Here's a Lullaby To Close Your Eyes
by meganoodledoodle
Summary: Zack takes in Genesis after finding him weakened and sick from his Degradation. But the Ex-SOLDIER isn't willing to be looked after by an inexperienced puppy and Zack isn't prepared for the insults and personal remarks made by him.
1. The wind howling at the window

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.

A/N: You're going to have to bear with me with this one; it's the first time I've written something like this. Anyway this is a slight character study and was inspired by the beautiful song Room Of Angel by Akira Yamaoka which I would fully recommend listening to.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Final Fantasy VII.

* * *

He had to turn up the night I was patrolling the streets. But I had to admit I admired his daring, coming back into Midgar after all the stuff he did.

I remembered walking down a back alley thinking about the wonderful time when I could clock out and go back home for some shuteye, when I heard this strange gasping choking sound. I was often told by Sephiroth that curiosity killed the cat and if I had any sense in my thick skull, I'd learn that it was best to leave some things alone. Like a dying man for instance.

But I'd never been one _not_ to shove my nose into someone else's business (I blame my father for that trait, thank you very much, Dad) and leaving someone to die in peace was never my thing either. I'd have to be there with them to the bitter end, chattering all the way. For some reason I'd made friends with the sternest SOLDIER ever, and that had kinda boosted my status. People felt more inclined to listen when I talked to them instead of just nodding dully, thinking 'it's only the puppy barking nonsense again'. I was already sort of respected because of Angeal, but now it's pretty much fair to say if I asked one of the receptionists to bow down every time I walked by, they probably would.

I took a few wary steps forward, keeping my hand on the hilt of my sword just in case. Midgar wasn't as safe as Shinra liked to make out and quite a few murders were being skilfully covered up every day.

The figure made another gasping, choking noise and attempted to crawl towards the other end of the alley. I decided to make my presence known.

"Hey, are you alright?"

The stranger froze then turned and fixed glowing blue eyes on me, _glowing!_ I thought and then it clicked. I backed away slightly, shaking my head with disbelief. "Oh no, it's not you, it can't be you!"

"We meet again, Zack the puppy." There it was again, the soft lilting voice that I had both missed yet dreaded hearing.

I shivered. "What are you doing here, Genesis? Shinra's got enough to deal with without you messing things up."

"I didn't come here because of Shinra." As I watched, he ran a hand through his dishevelled hair and began brushing the dirt off his sleeves.

I frowned. "Then why did you come?" I asked, even more curious than I was before.

Genesis raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you really that naive?"

I pulled a face at his low mocking tone and shrugged.

"I can assure you that I didn't come for the sightseeing," he said, laughing. It was a strange, mirthless sound. "I came to see Hojo."

"Hojo?" I'd heard Genesis say some pretty weird things before but this beat all of them. "Why the hell do you want _Hojo?_"

"He is," Genesis seemed to spit out the words with disgust, "a better scientist than Hollander."

"Uh huh," I said, folding my arms. "But why do you want to see him?"

"That has nothing to do with you, puppy!"

It was hard to resist the urge not to smirk. "Hojo's gone off somewhere for a couple of weeks."

"Where!" Genesis demanded, the sudden harshness of his voice making me flinch with surprise. I held up my hands in a peaceful gesture.

"I don't know, and none of the Firsts do. It's all been hushed up." I shrugged and crouched down near him. "Genesis, is it because of your degradation that you want to see Hojo?"

Genesis's eyes flashed and he glared up at me. "You should learn to hold your tongue!" he snapped.

I looked at him. His left cheek was covered in long pale cracks and streaks of grey ran through his auburn hair, adding years to his appearance. That, added with his pale skin and dark shadows under his eyes, gave the impression that he was suffering from a terrible illness, and he probably was. "Listen Genesis," I said, hesitating, "you could...come to my apartment for a bit."

He laughed again, throwing his head back and revealing a long pale scar cutting across his throat. My mind went back to when Sephiroth told me about their fight that had gotten out of hand. Was this another close call where they had almost killed each other? I thought of Sephiroth's sword and how cold and sharp it was. I shuddered.

Genesis seemed to be picking up on my thoughts. "Sephiroth doesn't always fight fairly." A cold, cruel smirk twisted his lips and I blinked.

"Are you going to come then?" I asked impatiently. "Or are you just going to sit here, and die in a dark alley?"

His only response was a glare, so I turned and began walking back the way I came, whistling merrily. Well, as merrily as I could when there was a chance that a murderer and a deserter would be hiding out in my apartment. I smirked as I heard Genesis coming up behind me then yelped as he spun me round and held me up against the wall.

"Now, I want to make this absolutely clear," he purred, tracing my neck with the tip of his sword. "I don't like you puppy, and I know you don't like me. I'm only accepting your offer because I have nowhere else to go. _U__nderstand_?"

I nodded quickly (what else could I do?), and he released his grip, momentarily leaning on. the wall, his eyes tightly closed. "Err...Genesis?" I asked warily.

He didn't move, and his face had gone deathly pale.

"Genesis, how are we actually going to get back?"

"The same way you always do," he muttered, pressing his forehead against the cold bricks.

"I always go through the front entrance," I said nervously, my hand moving towards my sword again as he looked up, rage flickering in his eyes.

"You _idiot_."

Somehow that hurt more than him calling me puppy did. 'Puppy' had always been Angeal's pet name for me, and once others heard him saying it, they joined in as well - even Sephiroth occasionally used it. The name was a constant reminder of our friendship, but now that Angeal had gone...

Genesis sighed. "Where, exactly, is your apartment?"

"Third floor in the north building...why?"

"Does it have a balcony?"

"Yeah, but why?"

The rest of my sentence was cut off as Genesis wrapped his arm round my waist and leapt into the air. I yelped as I saw how high we had gotten in the space of a few minutes and struggled desperately. "Let me go!"

"With pleasure," he growled back, yet I heard the strain in his voice. "Where's your apartment?"

I squinted down at the building rushing toward us and scanned the balconies until I saw mine. "Down there!" I yelled.

Genesis didn't respond, his laboured breathing giving a clue to how much his degradation had really affected him.

I heard a rush of air against his wing as he flared it to slow us down, and he practically threw me onto the balcony before dragging himself over the railing and collapsing near my feet. I prodded him with my foot and glared at him. "Jeez Genesis, be more careful!"

"Just help me inside!" he hissed, and I grudgingly draped his arm over my shoulders.

"I'm going to stand up now, okay?"

He nodded silently and I stood up, staggering as he suddenly collapsed again. I pulled him back up and took my keys out of my pocket. _This is just great,_ I thought, unlocking the door that led into my apartment, half dragging Genesis inside._ There's a wanted fugitive in my apartment_ _who can hardly stand by himself. Something tells me this wasn't a good idea._

"You okay?" I asked aloud and he glared at me. _So much for gratitude._ I cast a quick glance around the room and sighed. "It'll be better for you if you have my bed."

"You're too kind," he drawled sarcastically and I pushed him down roughly onto the sofa.

"You just shut up and stay there," I growled and stalked into the hall to make a phone call. Hopefully Kunsel could cloak out for me. I had a feeling that Genesis was going to keep me up all night.

* * *

Please Read and Review

Beta note; Hey guys, it's me, Lioneh! I've been graciously allowed to beta this story, so go and give it a chance, and drop a review! I myself am really interested to see where this plot will go... 8D


	2. There's nothing you can do

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.

A/N: quite a long chapter this time.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Final Fantasy VII

* * *

There had been no noise from Genesis yet; odd since he was able to keep me up most of last night. Somehow he had managed to get the strength to yell at me every couple of hours. But then again as they say, there's no rest for the wicked.

Bringing him here definitely wasn't the best idea I'd come up with, but what else could I do? Leave him there so that another SOLDIER could come and drag him up before the President? He'd have been killed on sight.

I paused in my thoughts and looked towards the kitchen; I wasn't that hungry, but Genesis might be when he woke up. He's the only one who got a bit of decent sleep last night. What did you give to someone who had degradation anyway? Soup, maybe?

I searched through cupboards, shoving sauce packets and other ingredients aside. "This is your fault Angeal" I muttered darkly. "Just because you liked to experiment with cooking doesn't mean you could turn my kitchen into a larder!"

"Talking to yourself, Zack? That's the first sign of madness."

I whirled round, managing to knock my head on the cupboard door. "Oh _ha_ _ha_, and how do you know that, Genesis?" If it were possible, he looked even worse today. His pale skin had turned a light shade of grey.

"I studied," he replied smoothly, and his lips curled into a smirk. "What are you doing now?"

I stuck my head back in the cupboard again and whooped with triumph as I found a can of chicken soup. I stood back up, managing not to hit my head this time. "Well, I wondered if you were hungry...and since I don't know anything about degradation..." my voice trailed off as I saw Genesis's face. He looked livid.

"So you decided to treat it like a common cold?" he hissed, stepping forward menacingly.

I backed away, holding up my hands. "No no, I just didn't know since I've never really been told how to deal with degradation. It's not like it's a common disease."

He stopped and threw me another furious glance before backing down. "No, it's not common," he leaned against the wall. "I think I'm the first one to contract it."

"...really?" I asked, trying to keep the civil conversation going. To be honest, I think it's one of the only times I've had a polite conversation with him.

He cast me a contemptuous glance but went on. "Yes. For the last couple of months I've been a lab rat, subjected to test after test to try and find both the cause and the cure."

I poured the soup into a bowl and put it in the microwave - that's the extent of _my_ cooking. "Hollander did all that?"

"...and more," he closed his eyes and I watched him warily, wondering if he might collapse again. I was relieved when he opened his eyes again and rubbed his temples.

"Did you have to escape?" I asked tentatively.

"Obviously!" he spat, "that so called scientist has no regard for the feelings of his subject."

"And you thought Hojo would be any better? Seriously?"

Genesis sighed. "I'd hoped that he'd at least be gentler than Hollander."

I shook my head sadly. "You didn't see what he did to Seph recently. It was some kind of injection involving a lot of Mako and something else, and then I think he got him to fight against that summon Odin," I shrugged sadly. "He came out looking like he'd been in a train wreck."

The microwave pinged and I turned away, missing the chance to see Genesis's expression. When I turned back round again holding the soup, his face was carefully expressionless.

He took the soup without a word and gazed at it thoughtfully.

Not wanting to disturb his thoughts I went out the kitchen and into my bedroom. I'm not a huge fan of tidying things, unlike Angeal and Sephiroth. But, I liked to keep things neat if someone was staying over, and since that particular person was very disagreeable and unpredictable, I didn't want to get on his bad side. Changing the sheets seemed like a good idea, and besides, I'd noticed him shivering last night, so I decided to put a few extra blankets on the bed. When I switched on the light, I let out a yell of surprise and horror.

Genesis moved behind me and clamped his hand over my mouth.

"You see!" he hissed into my ear, "you see now! What I'm going through?"

I nodded soundlessly, still staring at the sheets in horror. "W-what is it?" I asked as soon as he released his hold on my mouth.

He tapped his cheek and smiled bitterly. "Degradation has side effects; my back always bleeds like that after I pull my wing back into my body."

"You could have said..." I whispered as my gaze trailed over the black stains covering the once spotless white sheets. Somehow I think I would have coped better if it was red; it was easier to make sense of. But black blood…I felt a sudden sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach.

"I'll just..." I rushed forward and grabbed the sheets before he could say anything and raced out the room, shoving them quickly into the washing machine. I sank to floor, closing my eyes tightly to stop the flow of uncontrollable, unnecessary tears.

What the hell was I crying about?

I wiped my eyes viciously and took a long, deep breath.

"Calm down, puppy."

I felt like snarling at him; trust him to kick me while I'm down. "Why didn't you say anything about this?"

"I figured, since you offered to help me, that you would understand the risks and nature of my condition." He knelt down in front of me and pushed me back against the wall. "This is no joke, Zack! This is _life_ or _death_, and if you can't help me, then you're of no further use to me."

I wanted to push him away so I could punch him; I wanted to say that I could help him. I didn't know what I wanted.

Genesis interrupted my internal battle as his hand shook against my throat. I looked up to see the Mako enhanced eyes glow brighter than usual. With a shuddering gasp, he tore himself away from me and leaned forward. His wing shot out of his back and he started to tremble uncontrollably.

"Genesis!"

He turned around and snarled at me, his teeth bared, his pupils contracted into narrow slits. For the second time that day, I backed away and pressed myself into a corner, waiting for his fit to pass. I had no idea that degradation got this bad, though it reminded me of some reports I'd read about Mako poisoning. The sufferers sometimes had fits similar to this. I felt slightly disturbed by his suddenly feral reaction.

After ten minutes of watching him, I decided to do something. Standing up slowly, I reached over to the sink and quietly filled a glass with cold water. It was risky, but I was fully prepared to defend myself if he came after me. I crouched down near him and carefully threw the water in his face.

Genesis froze and all his strength left him. He slumped against the wall, gasping, and vomited violently. I felt my face twist with disgust but I went to his side anyway and rested my hand on his back. "Easy, easy..." I muttered as he gagged and moaned. "No more chicken soup for you," I said jokingly, but he only glared at me.

"This is your fault!" he whispered, "if you hadn't annoyed me, I wouldn't have-" he broke off as he started to retch again.

I slipped my arm around his chest, the only place I could really reach and tugged gently. "Bed," I said quietly and smiled, suddenly remembering the time when I was ill and Angeal said actually the same thing to me.

He relaxed, leaving me to pull him up with no help at all. Not that I think he could have helped if he wanted to. I pulled his arm over my shoulder and half-carried him back into my room. "You'll be okay for a while, won't you?" I asked as I laid him down on the now sheet-less bed.

He shook his head. "No...after I have a fit, it gets worse for a while."

"Dear Gaia," I ran my hand through my hair despairingly. "What can I do?"

"Just stay here." Genesis gritted his teeth and I quickly went out of the room, bringing a bin back in with me. I put it next to him and stepped back.

"Let loose."

He shivered and leaned over it, waiting, and when nothing happened he rolled onto his side and moaned.

I pulled some extra sheets some the cupboard and pulled them over him. "Get some sleep, okay? I'll ask Seph about Mako poisoning later."

"Don't go."

I frowned at him, confused by the sudden change of tone in his voice "I kinda have to, I have a meeting with Lazard."

Genesis's hand shot up and grabbed my collar, forcing me down to his eye level. "You _will _stay off work. I don't care what excuse you use."

"Genesis, you seem to be stable, I mean...you're not dying yet are you?"

"You're staying." His hand fell back down to his side. "No buts."

I swallowed nervously. "I'll see what I can do," I said quietly, and closed the door behind me.

* * *

Please review :D

Thanks for reading

_Meganoodledoodle_

Beta note; It's Lioneh again! BWAHH! Gen...I feel so sorry for you. D': Don't forget to leave a review!


	3. Where is the light

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.

A/N: Sorry for the wait I blame Lioneh 'laughs evilly' no I don't mean it it :D I admire her courage for correcting my terrible grammer

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy

* * *

"Hey, Zack."

I yelped and spun around; relaxing as I saw it was Kunsel. "Oh, hey."

"Are you okay Zack? You seem kind of uptight."

_Can you blame me!_ I wanted to scream at him, but I swallowed the urge with some difficulty and smiled shakily. "I'm just worried about my meeting."

"Oh, the Director wanted to see you, right?" he patted my shoulder, "calm down Zack, you know Lazard won't get angry with you no matter what you've done."

"True," I nodded slowly, but he'd get angry if he realised what I was up to! "Thanks Kunsel, I needed that."

"No problem, I'll see you later."

I felt a little sad as he walked off. Why couldn't Lazard have wanted him as well? Taking a deep breath I stepped into the lift and jumped with surprise.

"Sephiroth!" I spluttered. He looked up from the report he was holding.

"Good morning, Zack," he said calmly, cool green eyes taking in my dishevelled appearance, "a rough night perhaps?"

"Yes," I said, relieved for an excuse. He nodded and looked back at his report. "What about you?" I asked quickly. If Sephiroth took the time to be courteous towards you, he expected you to do the same.

He smiled slightly. "Unfortunately, Lazard wanted to go over some of the finer details of what I knew about Genesis, so I was up most of the night."

"You could have fooled me," I muttered darkly. Sephiroth always looked perfect which was more than I could say for myself. I froze suddenly as the rest of his words sank in; Lazard had wanted to know about Genesis! What if that was what he called me for? To try and give him a new lead on Genesis's whereabouts?

"Zack, are you alright?" Sephiroth looked down at me, concern flickering in his eyes.

I laughed airily. "Like I said, I had a rough night, sorry if I seem a little out of it."

"Maybe…you should go back home, just for a while." He must be worried if he was suggesting I go home. I should've felt comforted...but his words sparked a fierce panic in my head.

"No! No, I'm fine. Home's the last place I want to be right now." He gave me another worried glance before returning his gaze down to his report. In an attempt to bring the conversation back onto less dodgy ground I leaned over and stared at the report curiously. "What's this about?"

"My next mission."

"Which is?"

"Investigating the remains of Banora, to see if there are any traces of Genesis and his copies."

Oh dear Gaia. I'd forgotten about the copies. Would they suddenly appear on the balcony, homing in on their master? I blinked and swallowed nervously. If the stress of SOLDIER didn't kill me soon then all this worrying would.

I was visibly shaking as the lift doors opened and I scurried out, turning round with a frown as Sephiroth stepped out gracefully (hell anything he does is graceful!) and strode towards Lazard's office. "Wait, did he want to see you too?" I called as he walked past.

He slowed down so I could walk at a steady pace beside him and inclined his head. "A strange coincidence isn't it?"

"Do you know why he wants us?"

"Unfortunately not," he tilted his head with a slight smirk. "Didn't you and Kunsel set up a camera in Lazard's office last year?"

I cringed. "Have mercy," I moaned, "I was drunk and Kunsel was definitely high."

"Is it still set up?"

Gaia I felt like slapping the smirk off his face. "No, you discovered it if I recall correctly," a sulky tone came into my voice, "you were no fun back then."

"Indeed." He knocked on the door and gave me another worried glance. "I could say that you're sick if you'd like? You certainly look like you are."

"No, I'm fine." He could hardly miss the almost stern note in my voice, but I still needed to stay on his good side, after all he knew more about Mako poisoning than I did.

"Come in, you two."

I jumped and hurried into the office, Lazard regarding me coolly then smiling. "Good morning, Zack."

"Good morning, Director."

Lazard leaned back in his chair and turned his gaze towards Sephiroth. "SOLDIER First Class, Sephiroth."

"Sir."

I took a few hesitating steps forward. "Uh...Director, why did you summon us?"

Lazard leaned forward and typed something on his computer and I briefly closed my eyes. As I suspected a large picture of Genesis came up on the screen. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you two to go down to see Hojo," he said apologetically, speaking more to Sephiroth than to me. "I know you aren't fond of him, but he has valuable information about Genesis's condition."

I felt a chill run down my spine. I knew way too much about Genesis's condition.

"How will this help us capture Genesis?" Sephiroth asked quietly. "As far I know, we have limited information about him as it is, and it's unlikely that Hojo will provide any answers."

_Clever excuse Seph,_ I thought dully, _but it's not going to work._

Lazard sighed and met Sephiroth's gaze. "We have to take that chance. If there is information, it is invaluable."

Sephiroth nodded curtly and walked out of the room.

Lazard watched him go and let out another sigh. "I've annoyed him, haven't I?"

I shrugged "Seph always gets a little touchy if Hojo is mentioned. Hojo's a..." I paused and blushed slightly. "I didn't say anything."

"You said absolutely nothing," Lazard agreed and nodded towards the door. "You'd better catch up with him; he'll probably kill Hojo if he's left alone."

Wouldn't that be horrible? I thought, but nodded quickly and ran after Sephiroth.

I caught up with him just before he opened the door to Hojo's laboratory. "Jeez, Seph!" I gasped, bending over to try and catch my breath, "couldn't you have gone a bit slower?"

"If this information is as important as Lazard says, it will be better if we collected it quickly then reported back."

"And if that's code for getting away from the slimy bastard as quickly as possible then I agree with you completely," I grinned up at him but his expression didn't change.

"Leave Hojo to me."

"Great. Just don't kill him yet," I muttered and followed him inside.

The lab was just like I remembered, but the last memory I had of this place wasn't one I liked to remember.

"Why hello to both of you... what do you want?" Hojo looked up from a tube of Mako and smiled at us. Just his voice had the ability to creep me out; I didn't need to see that smug little mocking smile. I shivered and moved closer to Sephiroth even though he looked a little unsettled as well.

"Hojo, do you know anything about Genesis's degradation?"

Hojo laughed. "What scientist doesn't know? After we found out, everyone was dying to study him. Unfortunately, he left before we were completely able to get any useful information."

I felt Sephiroth tense slightly and quickly opened my mouth before he could do anything stupid. "Hojo, do you know what's actually happening to Genesis?"

"Yes, that idiot Hollander managed to leave his notes behind." He adjusted his glasses and folded his arms.

"What do they say?" Sephiroth seemed to have his temper back under control for now.

"They say that over time degradation causes the body to age and become weak and brittle, but of course you knew that already," he paused for a moment for effect, and then went on. "Apparently Genesis showed an increasing lack of control over his emotions, particularly anger."

"Do the notes mention a cure or treatment?" I asked, quickly adding, "if Genesis manages to find a cure, Shinra will have even bigger problems."

Hojo shook his head. "None as such, all there that was left was a note," he said, scornfully holding out a piece of paper.

I took it and stared, a single sentence was written in a faint elegant script.

_Infinite in mystery is the gift of the Goddess._

I passed the note to Sephiroth with a sigh. "I think I'll take up your offer."

He scanned the paper and frowned before meeting my gaze. "You do look awful," he said softly.

"I feel it," I ran my hand through hair with a small grin. "I'll see you later."

It was too easy to get back to my apartment; I just lowered my head and kept my expression downcast until I reached the welcome safety of my front door.

I wasn't lying, I told myself sternly. I did feel awful, awful because I couldn't find anything useful. I stopped dead and swore loudly, I'd forgotten to ask Seph about Mako poisoning. But if I went back now it'd look strange since I was supposed to sick.

I slid my keys into the lock and pushed open the door to be greeted with the sight of the living room in shambles. The sofa had been thrown against the wall, the wallpaper was slashed and books had been viciously ripped and in some cases almost shredded. Genesis was kneeling in middle of the mess, trying to get his breath back.

I approached him warily and spoke in a low soothing voice, "Genesis, are you okay?"

"Do I look it, you stupid son of a **?" he groaned and moved his hand up to his cheek. It came away bloody, and he let out another groan and put his head in his hands. "Did you find out anything?"

"Hojo was a big help," I said sarcastically and crouched down beside him. "He pretty much told me what I already knew."

"Which was?" he spat back, and I sighed.

"That's you're having difficulty controlling your emotions and that's you're steadily getting weaker." I looked him in the eye. "What's this gift of the Goddess thing?"

"That is none of your concern!" he wiped his cheek with his sleeve and winced. I pushed his hand away before he could do it again and stood up as he scowled at me.

"But," I said, trying to change the subject slightly, "I did notice that your symptoms were related to the ones caused by Mako poisoning."

"Idiot! Why didn't you say before?" he growled and lashed out at me. I leapt backwards and watched him warily.

"I didn't have the time; I was too busy trying to help you!" I folded my arms and glared down at him. He scowled back and I waited for a few seconds before I spoke again. "Listen Genesis, you need help, and I can't be here all the time. I've got off sick for the rest of today but I can't say the same for tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day."

"I get the picture!" Genesis hissed, "so why don't you just drop me over the balcony and have done with it. It'll be less painful, I'm sure."

"Take off your coat and your jumper,"

"What?"

"Take them off," I said briskly, and then said in a softer tone, "seriously, I think that if it's like Mako poisoning, you'll recover quicker if you don't wear stuff that's been soaked with whatever that stuff is," I gestured towards his cheek.

"And what about clothes, Zack?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "I can't walk around naked."

I almost choked. "I'll find you something," I sputtered, feeling my face burn as Genesis smirked up at me.

"Good boy," he purred, suddenly placid now. I shook my head at his sudden mood swings and went to wet a cloth under the kitchen tap. When I came back into the living room I threw it at him lazily

"For Gaia's sake Genesis, clean yourself up. You look like you've been in a train wreck."

He glared at me, then carefully dabbed at his cheek, wincing every so often. I decided it was safe again and crouched beside him. "Have you been sick again?" I asked quietly, holding up a hand as he opened his mouth to protest. "My apartment, my rules, so you'd better just answer the question."

"Yes, several times." Genesis's voice was filled with disgust.

"In the bin?" I hated to ask, but I wanted to know how much cleaning I'd have to do.

"Yes."

"Well that's good," I stood up and eyed him carefully. "Did Hollander give you anything that could slow down the effects? I'm not coming home to find this every day."

"Nothing really worked," Genesis shrugged hopelessly and his wing slid out of his back with a graceful rippling motion. "He tried extra doses of Mako, and-" his voice suddenly broke off and he glared at the door.

"What is it?" I asked warily

"It is someone I really don't want to see right now."

I felt all the blood drain from my face. "You don't mean?"

"Yes," his voice shook slightly and he started to back away, shivering violently, "Sephiroth."

* * *

Please review it makes my day happier to see the emails :D


	4. So Insignificant

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.

A/N:xxDarkAssassinxx: no it's not going to be Yaoi, i can't write it for some reason :P

Silver Tears 11: i didn't notice that before it must have been Lioneh my Beta. It was her decision to use asterisks so i won't go against it, anyho thanks for the review it made me smile.

QueenOfTheYaoi: keep on ranting, ranting is good lols, thanks for the review it made my day happierDisclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy

* * *

I was sure I felt my heart stop for a couple of seconds. For Gaia's sake, why did Sephiroth have come to for a chat _right now?_

"I think he wants to talk to me about you."

"I'm so flattered!" Genesis's eyes were glowing dangerously bright. If I didn't calm him down now, I'd have another fit on my hands.

"Genesis, please calm down!"

"And why should I?" he purred. His voice suddenly went so quiet that I had to strain to hear him. "What does the puppy know of suffering?"

"Genesis, please!" I begged. "You're not thinking straight."

He stood up and swayed, his blood dripping steadily onto the floor. "You're nothing but a coward and a liar. If anyone's the betrayer, it's you! You could have stopped Angeal, you could have convinced him to come back. If you'd have done that..." he paused and glared at me so fiercely that I felt like cowering. "...I would have followed him!" he howled, "I would have come back with him! But you were too weak willed to convince him!" His eyes met mine and I started to tremble with a mixture of fear and guilt. "I _hate_ you, Zackary Fair!"

I watched numbly as he collapsed and lay still on the floor. I couldn't comprehend what I'd just heard. This was my entire fault? It couldn't be! It mustn't be! But the more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that he was speaking the truth.

Maybe if I'd tried harder to convince Angeal, he could've been here helping me now! He'd always had better patience than me and he'd known Genesis for years. I felt a tight constricting pain in my chest and sank down onto my knees. Couldn't I do anything right?

My phone beeped and I flipped it open, barely conscious of my actions.

_Zack,_

_I managed to find out more about Genesis's condition. Hojo was lying when he  
said they didn't have information. They've known about this for months.  
According to the most recent entries he has been steadily getting worse for  
the past few months. Apparently this is because of the clones he's been  
creating... the more the genes are spread the worse his condition gets. Also, he  
still has the wound that I inflicted; the process of healing is slowed, meaning  
he'll be vulnerable_

_He may be a deserter, but he's still my friend and I'm worried about him. If  
Shinra finds him in a weakened state, they'll tear him apart._

_Since you're not answering your door, I guess you're sleeping and won't get  
this until later._

_- Sephiroth  
_  
I buried my face in my hands and took in a deep shuddering breath. When I had calmed myself down slightly I looked up. "Genesis, are you okay?"

His cerulean eyes open and took in my appearance. "You look like hell."

"And you think you look better? You look like you've smashed your face into the wall." I folded my arms. "Are you going to take off your coat or not?" I asked and crouched down beside him.

Genesis laughed hoarsely. "You really think degradation is like Mako poisoning?"

His cruel laughter stung, but I held my head high and shrugged like I couldn't care less. "There's not that much information on it, and the info that's available isn't very specific."

"I thought you would have had the common sense to know the difference," he said with a slight sneer. He then tilted his head. "What were you doing down there anyway?"

"Lazard wanted me to go and talk to Hojo about you."

He raised an eyebrow and glared at me. "You said he was away for a few weeks!"

Busted! I swallowed nervously and tried to change the subject. "Look Genesis, if Seph keeps on trying to visit-"

"You're not answering my question."

"Funny how you didn't notice when I mentioned him earlier," I said dryly and smirked inwardly at his furious expression. Score one for the puppy.

"I wasn't in my right mind," he spat. I nodded, grinning widely

"Of course you weren't."

His eyes narrowed and I knew I'd pushed him a little too far this time. "Why did you say Hojo was away if he wasn't, Zack? Did you want me to continually suffer after what I did to you and your friends?"

"No!"

"Or did you think that if you delivered me to Shinra you would finally be recognised as a hero?" he interrupted, viciously grabbing a handful of my hair and pulling me down to his eye level. "Listen Zack, no one in their right mind is ever going to consider you a hero! So get your stupid head out of the clouds and face facts!" Genesis's eyes were alight with a malicious glow.

I squirmed in his grasp but it was more from anguish than pain. Every word he said was slowly ripping my hopes to shreds. "Shut up!"

He shook me roughly as if he were trying to shake the sense back into me then pushed me away. I lay sprawled a couple of feet away from him, massaging my scalp. Genesis made a low retching sound in the back of his throat and I flinched, covering my face with my hands. When nothing happened I sighed with relief and sat up with a scowl.

"You could have told me about Mako poisoning," I muttered darkly, and he laughed  
again. I couldn't decide if I liked or hated the sound.

"Angeal was right; you do have the attention span of a puppy."

I failed to hear his comment and moved back slightly, wrapping my arms around my knees. "If it isn't like Mako poisoning, then what can I do to help you?"

"Not much. Just let me rest and regain my strength."

I looked at his pale face and the long cracks covering his cheek and neck. My eyes then drifted down to his left shoulder, and I frowned. "Is your shoulder alright?"

He froze, eyes narrowing again, "how do you know about that?" His voice had gotten dangerously low.

I held out my phone to him and he scanned it quickly, his lips twisting into a snarl as he saw who had sent it. "He dared to tell you about this?"

I shrugged and slipped the phone back into my pocket. "He was in that fight as well, Genesis," I smirked at him. "You've avoided my question."

He growled and slipped out of his coat, undoing the straps crossing his chest and yanking his jumper off roughly.

I winced sympathetically as I stared at the bulky bandages covering his shoulder. Then, my eyes caught sight of more cracks spreading across his chest. These cracks were more pronounced than the ones of his face, making him look like he was splitting apart. I suppressed a shiver with some difficulty and moved forward slowly.

"You see now, Zack..." he murmured, "...this is what I am." His wing stretched out to  
its full length and few black feathers spiralled to the floor. "...a monster."

I hesitantly put my hand on his uninjured shoulder but didn't say anything; I couldn't give him the comfort he sought. He had ripped my dreams to shreds with just a few words. Why should I mend the tattered fragments of his heart after what he did to mine?

He looked at me steadily then pushed me away roughly. "I don't want your pity," he snarled.

"I wasn't going to give it," I said quietly,and why should've I done?

A fleeting look of surprise came over his face, but within seconds it was gone, so I couldn't be sure that I even saw it. He got slowly to his feet and stared down at me.

"Why?" he asked. "Why are you helping me?"

"Because you need it," I stood up and sighed. "Look at yourself, Genesis. Did you really think you could go on like this without getting caught?"

Again his eyes narrowed into blue slits. "You have no idea of what I'm capable of."

"No, I don't, but you still need help."

Something flickered in his eyes and he turned away, hiding whatever expression he couldn't conceal.

I think it might have been gratitude.

* * *

Beta note; I am so emotionally attached to this story. And it's worse now, because I'm the beta, and proof-reading and making edits makes me feel connected to it somehow XD Anywho, I love how the hidden goodness/appreciation within Genesis is slowly, painfully emerging. And he's just so upset/angry about everything he is and what's happened to him, he desperately tries to pin the blame on someone other than himself so he doesn't endure more heartache.

Anyway, rant aside, don't forget to drop a review!


	5. Are you hiding away

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes

A/N: sorry for the wait, writer's block is a terrible thing

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Final Fantasy

* * *

I was slowly getting used to Genesis's mood swings, and it seemed that he'd started to get used my company. Now that he'd accepted my help properly, I felt that I should try and do something about his shoulder. "You don't mind, do you?" I asked as I set a first aid kit in front of him.

He eyed the kit sceptically. "What are you going to do?"

"Clean the wound, and change the bandages. It'll get infected if I don't."

He stared at it for a few more moments, and then nodded. "That's one of your more sensible ideas, Zack. You continue to amaze me."

I shot him a dark look. "I'll be as gentle as I can, but it will probably hurt. I'm no doctor."

"Just do it, puppy!"

His insult stung, but I bit back a retort and gently unwrapped the tightly bound dressing, taking care not to press down on his wound. Nevertheless Genesis tensed, his eyes narrowing slightly in warning.

I bit my lip and ran my fingers through my hair distractedly. "Jeez, Genesis..." I complained softly.

He glared at me, and then relaxed again. "Just hurry up," he snapped, and I nodded quickly.

It took a while, but soon all the bandages were in a jumbled pile on the floor next me. I cast my gaze over the injury, wishing that Sephiroth or Angeal were here, since they knew so much more about treating wounds than I did. It was inflamed, and when I gently and deliberately touched it, Genesis hissed and clenched his fists. "What do I do?" I moaned and buried my face in my hands, all my confidence drained away.

"Clean it first, you idiot!"

I jerked out of my self-pitying mood and looked at him. No wonder he looked so pale with that refusing to heal. "I've got it. But you're going to have to do one thing."

"What's that?"

"You're going to have to trust me."

His eyes widened. "...but why?"

"...because this is going to hurt like hell, and your immediate reaction will be to stop me."

Genesis hesitated. "I just..." he sighed, and then went on, "...do what you think is best."

"Bear with me for a sec." I filled a bowl with warmish water then dripped a cloth into it. "Ready?"

He nodded and gritted his teeth. "I trust you."

_I wish I did_, I thought nervously, pressing the cloth to his shoulder. Immediately he stiffened, and I watched his hands curl into fists. "Steady," I muttered. "...it's okay." I slowly cleaned the dried blood off, trying not to yelp as Genesis flinched.

"How much longer?" he asked as a shudder ran down his body.

"Soon..." I had finished cleaning and had started to apply fresh bandages, "just a little longer."

He let out an inpatient groan and leaned back against the wall. "Tell me about yourself, Zack."

"What?"

"Since I'm staying here, it's only polite that I know more about you."

"Well..." I thought for a couple of seconds before replying, "I was an only child, but I never really minded because I had friends...though I would have loved a little brother. I grew up in Gongaga, but not much really happened until I turned thirteen when I left home and joined Shinra's forces."

"You left; did you tell your parents?"

I grinned. I'd got his attention now. "Nope, just packed my stuff and left, walked a for a couple then hitched a ride to Midgar."

Genesis smiled. "You really wanted to be in SOLDIER, huh?"

"It was my dream to become a hero, and it still is." I finished tying the bandages with a flourish "Finished!"

He touched his shoulder experimentally. "I think you've actually done something right for a change…thank you, Zack."

It was hard for me not to leap up and punch the air in triumph. _Yes! Genesis said thanks to me! Score two for the puppy!_

Genesis raised an eyebrow at my expression, and then gestured at my pocket. "I think your phone is ringing."

Oops. I pulled it out and flipped it open. "Zack speaking."

"Zack, how are you?"

"Seph? What the hell? You don't make social calls."

"Not normally."

I frowned. "Seph, what's wrong?"

"I went down to the labs earlier."

I felt a familiar surge of anger. "What did Hojo do?" I was fiercely protective of all my friends, but Sephiroth had helped me get through some difficult times, and he knew exactly what to say to make me feel better if I was down. In any case, the idea of the mighty Sephiroth hurt was...so alien.

"More injections. Do you mind coming over?"

"No, I'll-"

"That is, if you've recovered." The words were hurried as though he'd remembered to say them.

"Seph," I said sternly, "friends come first with me." I grinned then added playfully, "you should know that by now."

"I apologise," he laughed quietly then sighed. "I really shouldn't be bothering you when you're resting."

"I'm fine Seph, honest. I'll be there in a minute." I hung up and glanced at the door worriedly.

"So Sephiroth is under the weather," Genesis purred thoughtfully. "It's not the first time something like this has happened."

"I _hate_ Hojo," I spat angrily. "He shouldn't be allowed to do this."

"He's the reason why SOLDIERs are so good at their jobs. Without the experiments and Mako injections, SOLDIER wouldn't be able to defend Shinra." He shrugged helplessly and stood up. "I'll be fine by myself for a while. Go and see Sephiroth."

"Are you sure?" I watched him carefully for any sign that he was lying, but instead I saw a reluctant acceptance.

"You already promised him, and he needs your help more than I do at the moment."

I rested my hand on his uninjured shoulder. "Thank you, Genesis."

He inclined his head and I left the room.

* * *

"Hey Seph," I knocked on his door apprehensively. For all I knew, his shots could make him even more antisocial than he already was. When there was no response I rapped the door hard with my knuckles. "Seph! Are you okay?"

"There's a key under the mat."

I jumped, but then relaxed. "Thanks Seph!" I called, shaking my head at the novelty of him having a doormat in the first place. I fished the keys out from under it and unlocked the door. As usual, the apartment was immaculate, and I stared round in wonder. "How the hell do you keep the place so clean, Seph?" I asked as I walked into the living room.

"Practise," Sephiroth looked up from where he was sitting on the sofa, "a lot of practise." He smiled slightly. "Hello, Zack."

"Heya." I sat down beside him. "Seph, why is your hand on your head?"

He sighed. "I tripped, and..." he removed his hand; his hair and glove were smeared with blood.

I winced sympathetically, but then frowned. "Wait a minute, did you say you _tripped?_"

"Yes."

"Seph, you are one of the most coordinated people I know. How the hell did you  
manage to trip?"

"I felt lightheaded." He leaned back and carefully avoided my gaze.

I stared at him for a moment. "Seph, what's really wrong with you? You didn't just want me to come around because you were feeling weird, did you?"

He froze, his eyes snapping up to my face before looking back to the floor again. "Zack..."

"You can tell me, Seph."

He tilted his head back and took a deep breath. "Lazard has ordered that Genesis should be killed on sight."

I felt all the blood drain from my face. "...but why?" I croaked.

"He feels that Genesis is too dangerous to risk keeping him alive." He leaned forward, his hair cascading over his shoulders and effectively hiding his face from view.

"Seph…I'm sorry." I really meant it, too. I could understand his anguish at the thought of his friend being tracked down and killed mercilessly. I had worried about Angeal every day...and now, after everything that had happened, I found myself worrying about Genesis, his best friend.

Sephiroth's shoulders shook slightly. "Can you stay for a while?"

I smiled reassuringly. "Sure." Nothing else mattered then. I would comfort my friend as best I could, and try not to think about how complicated Lazard's orders could make my situation become.

_After all,_ I thought, _Genesis said he'd be fine for a while, and this won't take too long..._

* * *

Beta note; I love this story to pieces. It's so nice to read, because of the friendship that's slowly building between Zack and Genesis...and it's nice to see the walls breaking down, that's for sure. It's kind of like a story I'm writing at the moment, actually XD What with the hurt/comfort over Genesis and all. But anyway, drop reviews! This story definitely deserves them! 8D

A/N: Please Review :D


	6. Perhaps you're happy without me

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes

A/N: Happy new year everybody

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Final Fantasy

* * *

Zack, Zack!"

I jerked awake and blinked. "What is it?"

Sephiroth shook his head pityingly, a slight smile crossing his lips. "You fell asleep, Zack. I guess you lied about being well."

"Oh shut up, Seph." I pushed him playfully and then bolted upright. I'd forgotten about Genesis! Dear Gaia, I was so screwed! "How long was I asleep?"

"About four hours," he stared at me worriedly. "Is something wrong, Zack?"

"Yes, I mean no!" I took a deep breath. "Listen Seph, I kinda have to go now."

He tilted his head. "Oh?"

"I'm supposed to be meeting someone." I ran a hand through my hair distractedly, trying not to clutch onto it in my panic.

He nodded. "I understand. I've taken too much of your time." He stood up and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "Thank you for staying with me."

I grinned at him, but it took a surprising amount of control to maintain the expression. "Anything for a friend. I'll see you later!" I waved cheerily then dashed for the door.

_Genesis is going to kill me!_ I thought as I sped down the corridors, _and this is just great. I finally get him to sort of trust me, and then I go and break a promise. Now he's going to bloody kill me!  
_  
I swore as I collided with the door, but managed to right myself quickly. I fumbled with the keys, dropping them several times before I managed to get them into the lock.

"Genesis!" I burst into the living room and looked around anxiously. "Genesis!"

"Zack."

I turned towards the balcony and saw black feathers brushing against the glass. I swore and ran to the door, wrenching it open with a cry of relief as he fell against my feet. "Gaia Genesis, you scared the hell out of me!"

He was upright in a second, whirling me round and pushing me against the glass by my throat. "Where were you!"

I clawed at his hand, trying to drag it away. "With Sephiroth," I choked, "I'm sorry, I fell asleep, I didn't mean to be away that long. I'm sorry." I focused on him properly, and then frowned. "Why the hell have you taken your jumper off?"

His grip relaxed and he rolled his eyes. "Only you could say something like that when pushed up against the wall by your neck."

"Point taken, but why?"

He shrugged, black feathers rippling slightly against his bandaged shoulder. "I felt hot."

"But...your hand is freezing." I stared at him carefully for a moment, and then it clicked. I think we both came to the same conclusion at the exact same time. Needless to say our reactions were a little different.

"Damning hell," I muttered. Genesis threw up, and then swayed, his wing flailing in an attempt to keep him upright. I moved out of the way and went to his right side, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "You know, you could have given me a bit of warning," I complained.

"I didn't know, and I _should_ have known!" he snarled.

"Well, you didn't, and there's nothing you can do about it but get better."

"Or die."

"Genesis!"

"What?"

I glared at him. "Listen Genesis, and pay attention because I'm not going to say this again. I am not going to let another friend die while I'm there to stop it!" I shook him slightly to get my message across completely. "Got it?"

He stared at me, slowly letting his emotions show through his face. The mix I saw frightened me a little. "You consider me a friend?"

I felt a surge of pity and deliberately put my hand on his left shoulder. He flinched but didn't stop me, meeting my gaze with a confused expression. "I'm not going to let you die," I said quietly.

He moved his arm off my shoulders, and before he could do anything to stop me, I hugged him tightly. He stiffened for a moment, but returned the embrace, resting his burning forehead against my neck. At that point I was finally, completely aware of how sick he was. I noticed how he trembled with the effort of standing, the flush in his normally pale cheeks and the glazed look in his eyes_. How long has it been since someone showed you any compassion? _I thought sadly. _How long have you been alone?_ Any hatred I had for him melted away and I stroked his wing soothingly, humming tunelessly, trying to let him know that I cared.

He whimpered. "Zack-" I heard his breath hitch in his throat. "I'm going to be-"

"No, no, you're not," I interrupted softly, "not until I've brought the bin over, okay?"

He shuddered and moaned. "I don't know..."

"You can try, right?" I grinned at him, slipping back into my more cheerful personality.

Genesis sighed. "How can you _smile_, Zack the puppy, after all you've been through?"

I pulled away from him and gently pushed him down onto the sofa. "If I didn't smile, I'd cry all the time. I just live one day at a time and try to make them worthwhile. Killing Angeal taught me one thing - life's too short to waste on being sad. I had my time to grieve, and it was terrible, but," I shrugged, "I guess, since I had other people who were going through the same thing, I had to sober up to help them."

I left him sitting on the sofa and went into the bedroom, glancing warily at the bin. I sighed with relief when I found it empty and carried it back in. "What about you?" I asked, setting the bin in front of him. "How did you deal with it?"

"I didn't." He leaned forward and I turned away with a grimace.

"What do you mean, you didn't?" Kind of impolite, since I know I should have waited, but I was curious now...and who said curiosity didn't kill dogs as well?

He leaned back and closed his eyes, his damp hair sticking to his forehead. "I mean that I refused to believe it. I didn't want to accept he was dead, and since there've been so many sightings of him, I had a reasonable excuse to stay in my little fantasy."

"I know, I mean, I've been hoping too." I pushed him back down as he tried to get up. "No way Genesis, you've got a fever!" I sighed and rubbed my temples, "and it's my fault. I shouldn't have fallen asleep." I went out of the room before he could respond and filled a bowl with cold water, throwing a cloth into it distractedly. "And don't try to deny it," I called as I put several ice cubes into a glass and filled that with water as well. "I know it's my fault."

Genesis was shaking his head as I went back in. "And I thought you were the type that didn't dwell on mistakes." He smiled at my expression.

"I don't."

"Then why did you keep on saying that it was your fault?"

"...because it was."

He sighed and took the glass from me. "You're more stubborn than I thought."

"Wonder who I got it from?"

He glared at me for a moment. "Seriously, Zack..."

I smirked and put my hand over his mouth. "Shut up and lie down. This fever won't go away if you don't rest."

He did as I asked without protest and I gently pressed the wet cloth to his forehead. "You're a quite a mystery, Genesis."

"And I hope to stay a mystery." He smiled at my expression and closed his eyes. "You, however, are an open book."

I scowled at him as I failed to come up with a suitable comeback.

_Bloody poets always have to have the last laugh._

* * *

Beta note; O. M. G. I am in love with the friendship that is developing here. It's so...I don't know, sweet...and nice. I mean, Genesis is finally opening himself up, after spending all these hours with Zack. It's just so nice to see a platonic connection developing for once. -happysniff- Anyway, don't forget to drop a review~!


	7. Weeping somewhere

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes

A/N: So sorry for leaving this for so long, GCSEs are such a pain :P

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Final Fantasy

* * *

My friendship with Genesis…well, what could I say? We had gone from being enemies to friends within a few days. It was strange how differently I saw him now, and we were similar in more ways than I wanted to admit. But, though Genesis had finally gotten over his apparent dislike of me, I knew we had a long way to go before he could fully trust me.

"Jeez Genesis, haven't you heard of preening?" Somehow I had managed to get him to let me have a closer look at his wing, but now I was starting to wish I hadn't asked.

He sat up indignantly, ignoring the sharp look I gave him as he did so. "Don't compare me to a bird, Zack."

"When you stop sitting up, I'll stop with the wisecracks." I said this sternly, but smiled quickly in an apology. "You know you won't get over this unless you rest."

"True." He lowered himself back down onto his side and let out a quiet moan.

"How did you learn to fly?" I asked conversationally, in an attempt to distract him from whatever discomfort he was feeling.

"I didn't."

I frowned and picked up a fallen feather, playing with it absentmindedly. "I'm not following you."

"I mean that it was instinctive. I had no control over the action."

"You mean you just...flew?"

"Yes." His voice was fainter than before and shook slightly.

When he showed no signs of elaborating, I turned my attention back to his wing, gently running my fingers over the black feathers. How could he think that his wing meant he was a monster? The limb, if anything, was beautiful. I moved my fingers back up to where the wing connected with his back and stopped suddenly.

The feathers around that area were matted and slick with blood. I let my fingers lightly trail over the feathers until I found the source of the bleeding; it was cut, mirroring the one on his shoulder exactly.

I wasn't the kind of person to leave questions unanswered. Sephiroth's description of their fight had been brief and to the point and later on I cornered him to hear the story in detail. He'd said that in the end it wasn't his sword that had dealt the ending blow, it was Angeal's but he was using one of the company swords.

I knew those swords; I'd trained with them for years so I knew exactly what kind of damage they could inflict. I'd been looking carefully when I cleaned his shoulder wound and it had definitely been made from one of those company swords.

I knelt down beside the bed to get a closer look and bit my lip as I examined the cut; another sword wound. But it was deeper and somehow seemed harsher than the one on his shoulder. I touched it gently.

Genesis shivered. "Zack..."

"Hmm?"

"Please…don't do that."

I stood up and he rolled over onto his back, hiding the wound from sight. "Can you tell me what happened?"

He shook his head and turned his face away. "I can't."

I looked at him, at the pale cracks in his skin and the grey streaks in his hair. Every second he was slowly degrading, gradually getting weaker and weaker. I closed my eyes.

"...Zack?"

I opened my eyes. He was shaking slightly. "Yes, Genesis?"

He let out a shuddering gasp. "I didn't want to do this."

"Do what?" I sat down next to him, flinching as he grabbed my jumper and pulled me close.

"Stay still!" he hissed as I struggled. "Please."

I froze as I heard the desperation in his voice and saw that he was clinging to me tightly, like a child seeking comfort after a terrible nightmare. _Comfort…_

Sometimes, I could be very stupid.

To him, admitting that he needed reassurance was a sign of weakness and he was too proud to show weakness to anyone. He'd been ashamed when he told me that he refused to believe that Angeal died, afraid that he'd revealed too much. So he didn't tell me that he felt scared and bottled it up, until I did something that pushed his fear over the edge.

I felt him trembling. "You should have said," I mumbled quietly.

"Well, I didn't."

_Nice to know that you've lost none of your pride,_ I thought humourlessly, sighing."You're an enigma, you know that?"

"You've said that before."

"Did I?"

He smirked at me. "Forgetting things already, Zack? That's a sign of madness."

"Oh come on, of all the insulting things you could have said!"

He frowned. "I must be losing my wit," he smiled bitterly. "Another effect of the degradation, I suppose."

I sighed again. "Worrying about it constantly won't make it go away."

"And forgetting it will?" he snapped back. "You don't have to go through with this! You don't have to live every second knowing that eventually you're going to die and there's nothing you can do to stop it!" He stopped suddenly, and a look of shock came over his face, as if he couldn't believe what he'd just said.

For once I couldn't say a word; I felt numb. "It's fatal," I finally managed whisper. "You mean...you're going to die?"

He didn't reply; the shocked expression was still frozen on his face.

"Genesis."

He met my gaze and slowly nodded. "Hollander told me;" he said softly, "just before I left." His face darkened at the memory. "It would have been better if he'd just killed me then. Knowing the true nature of my…condition only intensified my hatred of Shinra, and my desire to make them pay for what they had done to me."

"Isn't there a cure?" I cried.

He shook his head slowly. "Not that I know of, but-" he looked down. "I have theories."

I turned my gaze toward the window and stared outside. It had started to rain. _It's almost like the planet is weeping,_ I thought, and felt the prick of tears in my eyes. "You could have told me."

"I didn't think you would care."

I looked back at him so he could see my expression. "You really thought I wouldn't care?"

"You have to look at it from my perspective, Zack. You were my enemy, someone who shouldn't care about the wellbeing of their foe. I didn't expect to be here and I didn't expect you to help me as you have. You have been as kind as you possibly could have, whilst I…" he paused for a moment, and then went on sadly, "I have been a monster."

"You haven't-"

"I have threatened you with death several times already!"

"You were ill; I was expecting some kind of outburst!"

"Why do you keep on defending me?"

"What?"

"_Why?_ I've caused you nothing but grief over the past few days. Why do you endure it? Why not just throw me back out into the streets and save yourself!" He was panting harshly, drained from the force of his outburst. "You're a fool," he said mournfully, "to allow me to stay here. If they find out they'll probably kill you as well!"

I thought for a moment, considering his argument. Why _did_ I let him stay? Why did I continually forgive every harsh insult and threat? Why did I allow him to almost kill me on several occasions? The answer seemed quite simple to me. "Because," I said slowly, "because I'm not like you."

Again, for a moment, he looked shocked. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I can forgive, and I can see the goodness in people even when they can't see it in themselves. I let you say and do all those things because I knew, if I could just hang on and endure it, one day...I'd see you smile instead of smirk, and laugh instead of cry." I met his gaze steadily. "I endured it, because...I knew that you'd be one of the best friends I'd ever had."

Mako blue eyes filled with tears. "Zack," he whispered.

"Hmm?"

"I…"

I gently hugged him, performing the action he couldn't bring himself to do. His arms wrapped tightly around me as he buried his face in my shoulder. I felt him shaking. "It's okay, you're alright." I said soothingly. "I'm here buddy, I'm here."

"Thank you..." he breathed, and I smiled.

"What are friends for?"

* * *

Beta note; -promptly passes out from an overload of friendship fluff-

me:*points at Genesis* it was all his fault!


	8. I don't feel enough for you to cry

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes

A/N : Yay for the speedy update

xxDarkAssassin: Zack is awesome isn't he :)

QueenOfTheYaoi: thankies for you reviews, they make me very happy :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Final Fantasy

* * *

The next day I found myself hammering on Sephiroth's door.

"Come on Seph, open up! This is no time for your antisocial moods!" I needed to know why Genesis had that cut on his back. It didn't make any sense, and the only person I could think of, who might know why he had it, was Sephiroth.

"He's not in."

I turned and grinned. "Cloud! Long time no see!"

He smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "It's been a while," he agreed. "You've been ill."

"Yeah, and you'd better hope it's not contagious." He laughed, and I leaned against the wall, looking at him curiously. "What are you doing up here anyway?"

"Orders...I have to patrol the corridors."

"...really?" I walked slowly around him, appraising him with a mock seriousness. "Then you aren't doing a very good job, Strife!"

His eyes widened and he dropped his gaze. "Sorry sir."

"A SOLDIER is always focused on his mission, no matter how small." I flashed him an impish smile. "But I'll let you off this once."

"Thanks, Zack."

"Hey, what was with the 'sir'? You know I'm your pal!"

"You're a SOLDIER First class Zack, and I'm just another Shinra infantryman."

"So? The only place you can go now is up, and if you stay on my good side," I winked at him, "I might just mention you to Lazard."

"Really? You'd do that?"

_Aww, how sweet, he's practically begging. Kind of like me in a way,_ I mused. Hey! _If I'm a puppy, then he must be a kitten. _I grinned at the thought of Cloud with cat ears and a long tail, nodding. "But you have to tell me one thing."

"What's that?"

I paused for effect. "Where's Seph?"

Cloud looked down again. "He's in Hojo's lab. He wanted to see him about something."

I felt the familiar surge of anger at the sound of Hojo's name and cursed. "Then I'm going to see him as well." I turned on my heel and was about to march down the corridor when Cloud's hand shot out and grabbed my wrist.

"Don't, Zack! I'm under orders not to let you see him."

"Why! " I stared into his wide blue eyes and saw genuine fear in them. What had they told him to make him act so desperately?

"I don't know! If I did, I would have told you."

I sighed and pulled my wrist out of his grasp. "I believe you, it's just…I really need to talk to him."

"Is it about Genesis?"

I stared at him, shocked. "How did you...?"

"I just guessed. I mean, I thought you'd want to know whether he was alive or not. You looked really sad, before you went into that bathhouse..." his voice trailed off and he looked away guiltily. "Could you tell me what happened between you and Genesis?" he asked carefully.

"Well…" I hesitated for a moment before replying. "I guess I have some time to kill, don't I?" When he nodded, I leaned against the wall again and cast my thoughts back to Modeoheim. "It was a long fight, but Genesis was a SOLDIER First Class, so I was expecting him to be strong."

* * *

With every blow and slash I could practically feel him backing down and slowly retreating. He knew as well as I did that I was winning this fight, and seemed more than happy to submit and leave.

But just as I was about to call a stop to the fight, I saw his eyes glow and his pupils contract into cat-like slits and he threw himself forward, his teeth bared in a snarl. I leapt backwards and swung my sword towards his chest. There was a sickening crack, and he stumbled backwards, staring at me in surprise. I met his gaze sadly and watched as he sank to his knees.

I paused, feeling my heart pounding in my chest. The memory was still so vivid, and I couldn't stop the onslaught of images flooding my head.

_"Dreams of the morrow, hath the shattered soul..."  
_  
I was painfully aware of the breathless pause and the agonised tone in his voice. I longed to go to him, but something held me back.

_"Pride is lost…wings stripped away..._" he stretched out his wing and it shook horribly, trembling from the strain. "_The end...is nigh._" He shakily got to his feet, his hand going to his chest as an expression of pain crossed his face. Then, he collapsed, his wing floating slowly down to rest by his side.

I clamped my mouth shut to keep in the cry of horror. I was sure that he had died.

"Such is…the fate of a monster."

I looked up in relief to see him smirking up at me, but then felt a savage surge of hatred. The smirk was so mocking, yet painful at the same time. _You did this, Zack;_ his expression seemed to scream at me. _Do you like how much pain you've caused?_

I took a step forward, hiding my sorrow behind a wall of anger. "We're not monsters, you hear me? We're SOLDIER! Where's your honour?"

He got back onto his feet and staggered, almost falling back down again. _"Even if the morrow is barren of promises..."_ He slowly started to back away; shuffling unsteadily. _"...nothing shall forestall my return."_ He paused before the railing, his breath coming audibly in short gasps.

An infinite feeling of pity washed over me as I watched him struggle. He could barely stand and yet he continued to force himself to suffer, but to what end? What was he trying to prove? I searched his face for any sign of an answer, but all I could see was a plain, naked suffering that threatened to tear my heart to shreds if I continued to watch. But...I couldn't look away.

He straightened up slightly and met my gaze; a hard cold determination filling his eyes. He raised his wing.

"If this world seeks my destruction..." He leapt into the air and hung there, suspended for a moment, then beating his wing before alighting on the railing.

I suddenly realised what he planned to do, but again I couldn't move, couldn't speak. All I could do was watch helplessly and wait.

He slowly raised his head and turned his gaze on me. In his eyes was an inhuman coldness which made me want to turn tail and run.

"...it goes with me."

He let himself fall, never breaking eyes contact with me until he was out of sight.

I let out a choked gasp and ran to the edge of the railing just in time to see him disappear into the darkness. _Is this what you wanted?_ I thought unhappily. "Genesis..."

* * *

I let my voice trail off and sighed. "Well, now you know."

"I'm sorry."

"Huh?" I looked at him in surprise. "How come you're sorry?"

"For making you relive that. It looked painful."

"Looked painful?" I wiped my cheek with my hand and looked at my glove. It glistened with moisture. _This isn't doing my status any favours,_ I thought glumly. "You didn't see or hear anything, right Cloud?"

"I didn't hear anything, sir."

"And again with the sir!" I ruffled his hair playfully. "I'm not that important." I lowered my voice, suddenly serious. "Cloud, you didn't see me either." I held up my hand when he opened his mouth. "I have to go, Gaia know what Hojo's doing to Seph."

"But Zack-"

"I didn't come down this way; I got a tip off from someone else."

Cloud hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. "Okay, Zack."

I smiled reassuringly, turning to go when he touched my shoulder.

"Be careful. Hojo sounded happy about his talk with Sephiroth."

I shuddered. When Hojo was happy, something bad and probably painful was going to happen to whoever he chose. "I'll be fine," I waved at him, and set off down the corridor.

When I got to the lab, I paused, and took out my PHS. This might take a while if Hojo was doing something to Seph, and I didn't want Genesis to think I was abandoning him, especially now we'd finally managed to form a basic trust. I dialled his number. "Hiya, something's happened."

"Hmm?"

Oops, he sounded like I'd just awoken him. "Listen, I think Seph's in trouble."

"Hojo?"

"Yep."

"Okay then, just don't be too long."

"You know, if you want me to come back, I can." I wanted to make sure Seph was okay, but Genesis had to come first.

"I..."

"I'm heading back now," I said gently.

"No, Sephiroth needs you more than I do now."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Stop fussing like a mother hen, just don't be long!"

I grinned. That sounded more like the Genesis I knew. "I won't be."

"Good."

I disconnected the call and put the phone back in my pocket. _Step two - infiltrate the target zone. _I peered around the corner, making sure no one was there. Then, I ran down the corridor, coming to a halt in front of Hojo's lab.

_Gaia knows what he'd done to Seph this time_, I swallowed, knocking on the door  
nervously. "Seph?"

"Don't come in, Zack..." his voice was horse and strained, and I immediately moved to open the door.

"I said don't, Zack!"

I flinched and backed away. "Okay, what's wrong? What's he done to you?"

"...experimenting." He took a couple of deep breaths. "It's to see how SOLDIERs will react if they were given predatory senses, and-" he let out a sigh, "predatory aggression."

"Oh, Seph!" I moved closer to the door again. "I'll kill him! That slimy git! I'll kill him!"

"There's no need," he laughed bitterly. "Hojo miscalculated how I would react to the formula."

"Gaia Seph, you didn't kill him did you?"

"No, but Hojo won't be experimenting on anyone for a while."

I frowned. "Didn't the lab techs try to stop you?"

"They are currently on the floor, unconscious."

"Oh." I dared to move closer to the door and touched the handle. "Can I come in now?"

"No, I need a moment to calm down." He moved up to the door and I could see the glow of his eyes through the glass.

"Listen Seph, I need to talk to you about something."

"What's that?"

"Just before Hollander escaped at Modeoheim, he told me something." I hated lying to him, but I needed to know.

"What did he say?"

"He said that Genesis had a wound on his back, identical to the one on his shoulder." I saw him freeze. "How did he know?"

"I guess he treated that wound on his shoulder, so he must have seen it."

"I suppose..."

"How did it happen, Seph?"

He sighed. "This was before he left. He was disgusted by his wing and wanted to get rid of it. He came to me and begged that I helped him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Then, when he realised that I couldn't, he took the sword and tried to remove the limb himself. I managed to stop him before he did any permanent damage, but..." he let his voice trail off.

"Hey," I said, comfortingly. "Do you want me to come in?"

"No, Zack, I'm fine."

"Will they suspend you for what you did?"

He turned his head and glanced round the room. I could only imagine what damage he'd done to it. "Perhaps, but Hojo is at the root of this so I doubt that they will consider any serious punishment."

"Okay." I turned to go, but then looked back. "I'm sorry."

"For what, Zack?"

"For everything you've been through."

He laughed softly. "There's no need."

"There is to me," I said quietly, and left the Science department.

* * *

Beta note; Oh, man, this chapter is brilliant! I love the analysis of the events in Modeoheim, and I was right about the wound on Gen's wing. All of this is just so fitting for him, sadly... i_i But still. I adore his growing friendship with Zack. It's so sweet. Don't forget to drop a review!

A/N: Wow I've just realised this is the first chapter Genesis doesn't appear in, unless you count the phone call :)


	9. In your only memory

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes

A/N: 

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Final Fantasy

I stopped at front my door and sighed. Worming answers out of him was hard, but hopefully it would be easier now, since we were friends.

I unlocked the door and stepped warily inside. "Genesis?"

He was standing on the balcony, examining the flowers Aerith gave me. He didn't seem to have heard me.

"So fragile," he said quietly, "and yet so beautiful. The slightest touch of frost and you would die, but yet..." he touched the petals gently, "...you somehow are reborn in the spring." As I watched, he shuddered, closing his eyes. "Teach me," he breathed, "teach me the secrets of renewal, for mine is a tortured existence and I wish to start again."

"Genesis?"

He didn't reply for a moment. "Was Sephiroth injured?"

"No, Hojo was just messing with his senses and aggression levels."

Genesis laughed quietly. "Did he go to the labs before our fight? One can only speculate on what could have occurred to cause that accident."

"I wish you wouldn't just lay the blame on Seph."

He stiffened. "But it was his fault. He could have stopped the fight at anytime."

"You could have as well, Genesis. Listen. Be honest with yourself for once. Hiding behind a wall of self denial isn't going to solve your problems. And it definitely isn't going to make you feel better. Trust me, I've been through all that and the end results weren't a happy ending."

"I just..." he turned to face me, and there was a weary acceptance in his eyes. "I can't live what remains of my life blaming myself for what happened. I'm hardly coping as it is."

"You'd better come back inside."

"Why?"

I held up two fingers. "Reason number one - it's cold and you're shivering...and reason number two - you look like you're gonna collapse any second."

"I'm fine." He suddenly clutched at the railing desperately, and I rolled my eyes.

"Famous last words."

"Shut up, puppy!"

"Want some help?" I folded my arms, waiting for the insults and the objection. But when none came, I frowned. "Are you ill?"

He laughed bitterly. "What does it look like? I can hardly stand for more than ten minutes."

"That's because of your fever; I don't think you've completely gotten over that yet. I meant you haven't insulted me for asking if you needed help."

He looked at himself, then back at me. "Am I really in the position to deny your help, Zack?"

"No, it's just that..."

"You're confused because I've backed down so quickly?" I nodded, and he sighed. "As much as my pride wants me to deny it, I've come to rely on you and your annoying optimism a lot recently." His grip on the railing slipped slightly, and he staggered. "I need you, Zack..." He shuddered again, and I quickly moved forward, offering my arm so he could lean on me.

"Go on, I'm here."

"So I noticed," he said dryly, but wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

I helped him back inside and sat him down on the sofa, feeling his forehead with my hand. "You're burning up, Genesis."

"I know, I can feel it..." he shivered, and his wing slid slowly out of his back, a few black feathers drifting to the floor.

I sighed. Now wasn't the best time to bring this up, but I doubted that I would get another chance to ask him again. "Genesis...why did you try to cut off your wing?"

He froze, and I immediately saw his face go back into an expressionless mask. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You bloody do, Genesis! And why didn't you tell me in the first place! This  
could be the cause of your problem!"

He laughed mockingly. "A wound on my back was the cause of degradation? If only  
it were that simple."

"I mean your fever; if the wound is infected, then that could be the cause!"

I grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look at me. "Why did you try to cut it off? What the hell was going through your head? If Seph hadn't stopped you, then-"

"Oh, so Sephiroth's the hero once again! So what does that make me? The wanderer or the prisoner?"

"For once could you shut up about LOVELESS and listen!"

He fell silent, staring at me with a mixture of shock and hurt.

"Now tell me, why did you try to cut off your wing?"

"Because...I'm a monster."

I almost slapped him then, but stopped myself with some difficulty. "Open your eyes, Genesis! Having a wing doesn't mean you're a monster! I'd be proud have one!"

"You haven't seen the reactions you get from other people!" he snarled back. "Even the great General Sephiroth was shocked by it!"

"Well, he was hardly expecting you to drag yourself over to his apartment and reveal a wing, was he? But to try and cut it off, Genesis!"

"I just wanted to be myself again!"

I slapped him then, and he clutched his cheek in shock. "Wings symbolise freedom for those who have none," I snarled. "Stop being so damn vain and be proud of what you are! Don't try to hide from yourself, because that causes more trouble than facing up to the truth does."

He stared at me, and then suddenly tears started streaming down his face.

I swore. "Oh Gaia, Genesis, I'm so sorry," I hugged him tightly, and he wept into my shoulder. "I went too far, didn't I?"

"...I deserved it."

"No you didn't." I wanted to cry with him. How could I have slapped him? He didn't need this now...not when everything was going so well.

He coughed harshly, and I held him tighter, trying to reassure him. "What have I done?"

"You told the truth..." he said faintly, "...and that's all that matters."

"No, it's not."

"But I guess we're even now."

"Huh?"

"We've both screamed at each other." He coughed again and moaned.

"Hey, calm down, it's okay..." As soon as I said the words, I remembered that was what Aerith had said to me in the church after Angeal had died. And I remembered what she did to stop me crying.

"Zack?" Genesis moaned.

"Okay, I don't think is the best idea I've come up with, but it helped me." I hummed the tune softly, remembering what Aerith had said.

_"There. Do you feel better now?"_

_"What was that?" I asked after I could speak._

_"It's a lullaby." She gently wiped away my tears and smiled._

_"Does it have any words?"_

_"It might have done, a long, long time ago, but no one remembers them."_

_"Maybe it's better without words."_

_"Maybe." I hugged her tightly and she returned the embrace, stroking my hair gently._

I stopped humming and saw Genesis looking at me. "What is it?"

"I wanted to cut off my wing because I felt I couldn't belong anymore," he said quietly. "I felt I was inhuman and Hollander's taunting only increased the belief that I was a failed experiment, a monster. I ran not only because I wanted revenge on Shinra, but because I was scared of what they would do to me if they found out. You know how twisted Hojo is. If I had stayed then I would have been brutally tortured."

"You don't need to explain. I'm sorry."

_"There is no hate, only joy, for you are beloved by the Goddess. Hero of the dawn, healer of worlds."_

"LOVELESS?"

He nodded slowly. "The gift of the Goddess shall remain a mystery for now."

"Gift of the Goddess? You're not making any sense, Genesis."

"Have I ever?"

"I suppose not," I grinned at him. "Now you have to hit me."

"What?" he pulled away and stared at me. "Why?"

"Because I hit you, it's only fair."

"I can't hit you, Zack."

"Wuss."

"Zack."

"Go on, just do it. It won't hurt."

He rolled his eyes and slapped me; I flinched and clutched my cheek. "Oww!"

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen," he purred, and I glared at him.

"Says the poet."

"Shut it, puppy!"

Beta note; Ooh, there was tension in this one! But I suppose if Zack didn't shove everything right under Gen's nose like that, he would have refused to listen. And things worked out in the end...man, I sure do feel sorry for Genesis though. He's trapped inside such a hideous mindset of believing himself to be a monster. D': Anyway, reviews are loved~!


	10. Really don't deserve it

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes

A/N: Well hi there all you wonderfully patient readers, I'm so sorry for not updating this and once again I don't really have a good excuse. All I can say is that I had a very severe case of writers block, and several long science GCSEs didn't help either. Anyways I hope this chapter makes up for it all :D

Disclaimer: Unfortunately Final Fantasy doesn't belong to me; such is the cruelty of reality.

* * *

A couple of hours after Genesis had slapped me; I slipped out of my apartment and headed for Sector 8. I needed some fresh air and sticking my head out the window hadn't done me any favours for once, and besides, I needed to stretch my legs (which is now code for Genesis pretty much threw me out of my own apartment for a while).

I waved cheerily at a fellow SOLDIER and he grinned back. "Hey Zack."

"Hi, Jean." I went over and high fived him quickly. "How's it going?"

He shrugged. "Could be better, nothing interesting is happening."

I frowned. "Are you sure? I heard something was going on in Sector 8."

"Is that why you came down?"

I nodded, and he laughed. "Never trust receptionist gossip Zack, it's one of the first things they teach us."

"Funny," I said playfully, "I think I missed that lesson."

"Where were you then?"

"Planting a camera in Lazard's office."

Jean laughed. "So that's where you and Kunsel were that day." He glanced around and suddenly sobered up, his expression becoming anxious. "Something _is_ sort of going on."

"What?"

He pointed towards an alley. "See them?"

I sighed as I saw a group of girls whispering together in a corner. No doubt that they were in one of Soldiers many fan clubs. "Yeah, I see them."

"Well, ten minutes ago, they were looking really excited, and," he swallowed, "they're not here about Angeal or Sephiroth."

"They weren't going to be here about Angeal, were they?" I snapped suddenly, annoyed at Jean. He knew that the Soldier fan girls had sources from inside Shinra to get them the info they wanted.

He held up his hands. "Sorry, sorry, that was stupid of me."

"Yeah, it was," I growled. "You were saying..."

"Fan girls only get that excited if whoever they're fans of makes an appearance. It isn't Angeal, for the obvious reasons," he glanced at me apologetically before going on, "and it isn't Sephiroth because he's holed up in the training room."

"Er, why?"

"No one else is available to assess new recruits." Jean took off his helmet and ran a hand through his long brown hair.

"Why didn't the Director call me? I would've gone if they'd asked."

"You've been ill," Jean said simply. "If the recruits make it into Soldier, then they'll be getting their Mako shots, won't they? The Director was just taking precautions in case whatever you had spread to the newbies."

"Fair enough." I folded my arms and turned my gaze back to the girls. "So who are they waiting for?

"I think...they're waiting for Genesis."

I almost flinched, but controlled the impulse with some difficulty. "But he's dead!"

Jean glanced at me worriedly. "Yeah well, there've been sightings of him, Zack."

"But those could be his copies. They're still around!"

"Jeez, Zack, calm down."

I took a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry, it's just that-"

He put his hand on my shoulder. "I know, it's okay." He patted my shoulder. "You've been ill," he repeated comfortingly.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. _Try to think this through for once, Zack._ _The fan girls are out here because apparently they've seen Genesis, but that's impossible because he's in my apartment unless...unless he's gone and left for a wander._ But he wouldn't do that, would he? Was that why he kicked me out for a while? So he could go and met up with his fan clubs? I thought he'd gotten over his vanity.

I drew my sword and looked round carefully. "Listen Jean," I said quietly, "I want you to go to the slums and check for any signs of Genesis there."

Jean stared at me. "But Zack, he died. You told me you watched him kill himself."

I kind of pushed him towards that route. I said mournfully, "yeah, but he might of survived." I brought my sword up close to his face. "But if you find him, knock him out and come and find me. Don't tell anyone else, understand?"

Jean wouldn't have normally have put up with my sword in his face, but he heard the desperate urgency in my voice and his Soldier instincts took over. He knew I outranked him and this situation, so he had no chose but to obey. He nodded and put his helmet back on. "I won't say a thing, but Zack...is he that dangerous?"

I put my hand his shoulder. "Be careful."

Jean paled slightly but saluted and ran towards the trains that led to the slums.

I watched him go, then turned my gaze the group of girls. Maybe they'd tell me why they were so excited. "Hey!" I called.

One of the girls turned round then went bright red. She nudged her friends and they started giggling, all except one who stared at me curiously. "What do you want?" she called back.

I went over to them and rested my sword on my shoulder. "Can you tell me why you're waiting here?" I almost flushed under the girl's questioning gaze. "It's official business."

"Oh!" She brightened considerably. She was quite pretty, with pale green eyes and long red hair tied back in a simple ponytail. "We're waiting for the release of the new edition of Loveless. It's supposed to be released officially next week, but since we're in the Study Group-" At this, one of her friends shoved her.

"Don't tell everyone, Nina!"

Nina turned her fierce green eyes on her. "Why shouldn't I? You should be proud to be in the Study Group!"

"Sorry to interrupt," I said quickly, sensing the beginning of a fight. "But have you heard anything about Genesis's whereabouts recently?"

"Well actually, now you mention it there've been a few sighting recently, especially round here." She gestured around her and I noticed an apple bracelet around her wrist.

I smiled. "Nice bracelet."

She grinned. "Oh, so you're the one who brought the clubs together. It's nice to meet you... Zack, isn't it?"

I grinned back, and as I did, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a brief flash of red disappearing down an alley. "Listen, I'll have to see you later."

"Is that a promise?"

I saluted at her and ran towards the alley. I was finding it difficult to keep the strange mix of my emotions in check, a whirl of anger, disappointment and sorrow. I couldn't understand why Genesis would do something like this behind my back; after all I'd done for him. I cried for him and risked a hell of a lot. Maybe Seph's attitude was right, maybe it was better not to get too close to other people. In the end they'd only hurt you.

I stopped just before the alley and took a deep breath, tying to remember what Angeal taught me, _mind and body acting as one_. Right now I couldn't be the friend, the comforter. I had to be SOLDIER, and SOLDIERS don't let anything get in their way.

I ran down the alley, sword raised and came to a stop in front of him, but it wasn't him. After spending so much time around Genesis I'd seen the way he carried himself and noticed tiny subtle gestures. The man standing in front of me wasn't Genesis, and I wanted to hit myself. Why didn't I consider the fact that a copy could have caused all the recent sightings? The copy smiled nastily and let out a low whistle, and I knew then that I'd walked straight into a trap.

More copies flew down and grouped around the first. They were all in a bad state. Their wings tattered, their clothes ripped and torn. They stared out at me with hollow dead eyes that glowed with an icy, inhuman malevolence. I wanted to run at them, to cut them down mercilessly before they could hurt me, but something held me back.

I couldn't attack them. As I stared at their dead eyes I saw Genesis, and remembered how creating them had caused him to degrade faster. They too were affected by degradation the same as he was, so who was to say he wouldn't be able to feel it if I attacked his copies? I shivered, feeling my heart race with fear. I couldn't attack, I couldn't risk Genesis. I smiled slightly; I knew now that Genesis was my friend.

Because I was prepared to die for him.

One of the copies came forward, stumbling on the trailing hem of his coat. He slashed at my arm and I bit back a yelp. _I can't fight them,_ I thought. I felt almost numb as they surrounded me, sensing an easy kill. The swords and daggers cut and stabbed at every place they could reach, and I shivered as one blade glided across my ribs and I sank to my knees, smiling in spite of it all. "I never got to show you the sky Aerith," I said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Zack!"

I turned as a blur of silver flashed past and cut down all the copies except one. He turned to stare at me, and behind Genesis's hollow eyes, I could see someone else, the boy before he was made into a copy. His mouth opened, forming words I couldn't hear and he staggered towards me, a pleading expression in his eyes.

I let out a low moan of pity and reached out to him, ready to comfort and reassure the boy, but there was a slash of silver and Sephiroth's sword cut through his chest. The boy stared at me for a moment, then looked down at the sword. His eyes filled with terror and he let out a low whimper.

"Oh Gaia, Seph," I whispered, and the boy died.

"Are you alright, Zack?" Sephiroth pulled his sword out of the boy's body and crouched down beside me, running an experienced eye over my injuries and casting cure on them.

I shook my head. "They surprised me," I croaked, then threw myself at him, crying uncontrollably into his chest.

Sephiroth tensed slightly then wrapped his arms round me. "I know," he said quietly. "I've seen it happen before."

"How do you...?" I couldn't go on, the choking sobs made it almost impossible to speak.

He seemed to understand though and gently rested his head on mine. "Carry on? Live though it? When Genesis's cells took over, that boy's life wasn't his own. In his last moments he found something people spend their whole lives looking for."

"What's that?"

"Salvation and freedom," he said quietly, and looked up at the sky. "True freedom is almost impossible to find, and in the end it is only granted to a certain few. But in the end the question is," he lowered his gaze to meet mine, "do the people who are given freedom really deserve it?"

I closed my eyes. _What does he mean?_ I thought. _Does he want me to answer or is he just voicing his thoughts?_

He smiled at my expression. "What you need is to go home and get some rest, Zack."

"Is that what you did?" I muttered, and he nodded.

"You're obviously in shock Zack; I've never seen you like this before."

"It's been a crazy couple of days."

"Indeed." Without bothering to ask me if it was alright, he lifted me up into his arms and stood up.

"Hey!" I yelled, hitting his shoulder. "I didn't say you could do that!"

"I'm sorry, sir," he purred, "but when have I ever needed your permission to do anything? I outrank you and if you're not fit for duty, then it's my job to take you to your apartment."

"But Seph!" I whined, as he carried me out of the alley and started towards the Shinra building. "If we're seen-"

"Then why don't you pretend to be unconscious?" he replied smoothly. "There's enough blood on your clothes for the facade to be convincing."

I hit him once more for luck, then closed my eyes and lay limply in his arms. Honestly, if this got out I'd hear no end of it. I frowned slightly as I started to work something out. Picking me up had been a distraction. Seph knew that I'd be instantly distracted by the fact that he carrying me so I wouldn't have to dwell on the thought of the boy. _The boy..._

I felt my irritation slip away to be replaced with a horrible sense of danger, and as Sephiroth tapped me lightly on the shoulder and set me down gently I realised why. "Oh Gaia," I moaned and leaned against the wall dizzily.

"Come on, Zack," Sephiroth said comfortingly, and started to unlock the door.

"No, wait!" I threw myself at his arm but it was too late.

The door swung open to reveal Genesis standing in the hall with a worried expression.

"Zack, are you alright? I heard something had happened, and-" He stopped and gazed up at Sephiroth, his already pale features turning a light shade of grey. "Hi, Seph," he muttered, and Sephiroth pushed him against the wall, holding his sword close to his throat.

* * *

Beta note; DUN DUN DUNNNNN. Ooh dear, we are in trouble now, aren't we? –gasp- And I reckon the part with the Genesis copies was creepy, yet done quite well. I bet you're all dying to know what happens next!

A/N: hehehe you'll have to find out, ah poor Zack I torment you so with all these problems, will you ever have a normal day? Well that probablywon't happen while Genesis is around :D


	11. If I had died

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes

A/N: AHHHH I'm sorry I would have uploaded sooner but Fanfiction wouldn't let me :( anyhow have fun reading this one, it was hard to write and I wasn't sure what I was going to go with it at first. Anyway I'm rambling aren't I? Thanks to everyone who's reviewed especially Simple Shimmers I kinda took your idea and twisted it so I hope you enjoy it :D

Disclaimer: Does anyone else get really bored doing these? It's obvious that I don't own Final Fantasy. :D

* * *

"Sephiroth!" I pulled at his arm desperately. "Leave him alone! I can explain!"

Sephiroth shot me a look full of hatred. "How dare you!" he hissed. "Didn't I tell you that there are orders to kill him on sight? If they found him here, they'd kill you too!"

"Just let go of him and I'll explain everything!" He pushed me away, and I screamed at him. "Stop it! Stop it!" I leapt at Sephiroth and shoved him away from Genesis. Normally I wouldn't be able to move him an inch, and considering the state I was in, I shouldn't have been able to push him away so forcefully. But rage and fear had given me strength and he almost toppled over, staggering back against the wall. "You leave him alone," I hissed, feeling surprised by my own ferocity. "And if you ever do that again, I swear by the Goddess I'll send you straight into the emergency room."

He stared at me for a moment, eyes narrowed, trying to guess if I was being serious. When my expression didn't change, he made a low growling noise in the back of his throat. "You don't understand, Zack. You haven't seen what he's done!" The last word was almost a plea, and in Seph's eyes I saw how he wanted me to agree, to believe what he was saying was true.

"And you haven't seen how he's suffered!" I retorted, and glared at him. "How dare you attack him like that without considering how he might have changed! What if the situation was different? Do you think he'd attack you?"

"Without a doubt," he snarled, and started towards Genesis again.

I drew my sword as he got closer and pointed it at his chest though my arms were shaking with the strain. "I swear to you," I whispered, "if you do anything to him, I'll make sure you experience true agony."

"You wouldn't dare!" he growled.

"Try me!" I yelled back, flicking my sword up so the point was almost touching his face. "There is nothing I won't do to make you suffer! Just come and try it; I don't care about what Shinra says about him. He's a good man and he's my friend."

Sephiroth staggered as though I had stabbed him and stared at me with an expression of wild disbelief. "That can't be," he muttered "it just can't be..."

"Get inside," I growled. "I am not having this conversation out here."

He walked past me with a slightly glazed expression, but I kept my sword near his face just in case. Sephiroth was a great actor, a true master of hiding his thoughts behind a blank calm mask. His expression could only be read through his eyes and it had taken weeks for me to learn how to decipher them.

Genesis was trembling. "Don't, Zack," he muttered, "please don't...I can't, I won't-"

"You won't have to do anything," I said soothingly, "come on." I touched his arm and gently pulled him into my apartment and shut the door behind us. "Listen to me, if Seph tries anything, then I'll have to..." I swallowed. The thought of hurting him seemed so wrong. "I'll have to do something okay? You don't have to worry."

He shook his head. "Zack, it's not that...it's-"

"It's going to be okay, I promise." I left him standing in the hall and moved into the living room where Sephiroth was pacing impatiently. He looked up as I came in and all the old hostility he used to show me came creeping back onto his face.

"So, what excuse has the puppy dragged up this time?"

I gritted my teeth. Sephiroth wasn't usually sarcastic, but when he was, he could be very cutting. "You'd better sit down, as this might take a while, and I don't want to repeat myself."

He sat down and glared at me angrily. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't get you thrown out of SOLDIER for this."

"Because I couldn't leave him there to die, and I know you wouldn't either. When I found him, he was lying in a dark alleyway, and he looked like he was dying. I let him choose if he wanted to stay with me, and he did. I'm not afraid to admit that several times I've doubted myself and wondered if what I was doing was right, and I'm not afraid to mention that he's threatened to kill me as well. But I've gotten through it, and hopefully you will too. I don't want to hide away anymore Seph, and in a way I guess I'm kind of glad that this has happened. I've wanted to tell you, for the past few days I've felt I've been betraying your trust. Genesis is your friend and I should have told you sooner, but..." I shook my head slightly; I was starting to feel sort of dizzy.

His expression softened slightly "Zack, what you've done is wrong. He's not stable; you don't know what he could do."

"Like I said, he's already tried to kill me, but he won't now. We're friends. I trust him."

Genesis himself stepped into the room warily, and gazed at Sephiroth with a primal fear that made me want to hug him. He trembled, and I moved to stand beside him. "Hey," I whispered so that Sephiroth couldn't hear, "it's alright."

"Zack." He turned his gaze on me and smiled giddily. "Get away."

I stared at him, confused. "Genesis?"

Before I could do anything, he knocked me over and I landed on my back, gasping as all the air left my chest. Genesis fell on top of me, grinning madly, a harsh blue glow lighting up his eyes. "Puppies shouldn't bite the hand that feeds them," he said in a sing song voice, waggling his finger disapprovingly.

"Whose hand?" Out the corner of my eye I could see Sephiroth advancing, but I held up a hand, signalling for him to stop.

Genesis smirked. "Angeal's hand. He trained you, didn't he?"

If the situation wasn't so serious I might have laughed at the double meaning. "Yes, I'm sorry."

"Bad dogs have to be punished." He raised his right hand, and clutched tightly in it was a long knife aimed directly above my heart.

I could see madness slowly infecting his eyes. If I didn't try to help him; he might not be the same again. "Genesis, snap out of it! This isn't you. It's the infection, the degradation, Genesis!"

He blinked. "Degradation?"

"Yes!" I gasped. "Try to remember, Genesis. You got hurt, and then you found out about it."

I could see he was slowly putting two and two together. He climbed off of me and stared at Sephiroth for a moment. "The fight," he muttered "of course, how couldn't I know?"

"Genesis?" I asked warily and slowly stood up. The detached look still hadn't left his eyes.

He turned round to face me again and smiled. "It's alright, everything will be fine now."

I smiled back, but then gasped as Sephiroth suddenly shoved me out of the way. His eyes met mine before there was the sickening sound of a blade pushed into flesh.

Genesis released his grip on the knife, looking Sephiroth in the eye. "Now we're even!" He spat.

I could only mouth wordlessly as Sephiroth pulled the blade out of his stomach. For the second time that day I wanted to scream as I slowly felt my grip on reality loosening. Images of Angeal and the copy swirled in my head and I clutched at thin air trying to find something to hang onto.

The glow left Genesis's eyes and he collapsed to his knees with a faint moan.

I staggered over to Sephiroth and ran my hands clumsily over the wound, not noticing that my hands and clothes were getting covered with blood. "He...I'm..."

"I'm fine."

Even in my confused state I could tell Sephiroth was lying, but I went along with it and then sank down beside Genesis, my enemy, my friend. "Hey buddy," I smiled at him dreamily. "Say, are you okay?"

He put his hand on my cheek. "Yes Zack, I'm alright."

I brightened considerably. "That's great!" My gaze drifted over to Sephiroth who was on his knees, and then went back to Genesis. "Why did you hurt him?"

"I was..." his voice trailed off and he coughed harshly. "Listen," he said, once he got his breath back. "I need to sleep for awhile, Zack..."

"But why?" I frowned at him. "You can't be tired now."

"I'm very tired..." his eyes slowly started to drift shut and he grabbed the front of my jumper urgently. "Zack, it was an honour to know you."

"What?" I asked, but his eyes had already closed.

Calmly, I sat back and hummed to myself, watching the blood drip down from my hands into the carpet. I couldn't deal with what had happened so I withdrew into myself where I couldn't feel let alone understand any pain. Sure, I could dimly understand but it was easier to stay in my own world, I could watch the carnage around me and not be affected by it.

"Zack."

I went on humming; if I allowed my concentration to slip then I'd be drawn back into reality and I couldn't handle it.

"Zack, wake up!"

A sharp pain made me gasp and I stared down at my arm. With that small cut, my concentration shattered and I was flung mercilessly back into reality. I looked at Sephiroth and my eyes drifted down to the knife that was now covered in both his and my blood.

"Zack, you have to focus."

"S-Seph?" I choked, and he nodded

"Come on Zack, come back to me."

I blinked and stared round at the scene, blood covered the floor and flecks were spattered up the wall. Sephiroth was on his knees clutching at the knife wound in his stomach, and Genesis...

Distantly I heard a shrill scream, and it was only when Sephiroth came up behind me and clapped his hand over my mouth that I realised that I was the one who was screaming. I struggled wildly in his grasp and ran over to Genesis, shaking him frantically, screaming for him to wake up. When he didn't move I cradled him in my arms and started to weep.

Sephiroth came up behind me and rested his hand on my shoulder. "Zack, you have to consider-"

"What?" I yelled, pushing him away angrily. "You mean that the degradation finally  
caught up with him? He's too stubborn to let that happen!"

"Zack." Sephiroth turned me round to face him; his green eyes were dull with grief. "Listen to me, before he..." he paused not knowing what word to use, "before this happened he said it was an honour to know you." I looked down at Genesis's still face mournfully and sighed. "_There are no dreams, no honour remains._"

If it were possible, Sephiroth's face turned a paler shade of white. "I never had the chance to say sorry, for everything I've done to him." He looked away. "I've betrayed both of you."

"Don't say that!" I grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look at me. "Don't do this to yourself! He's not dead! He told me himself, he just needs to sleep!"

"Zack...he's not breathing."

"Yes he is, don't you dare say he isn't!" I shook him slightly to make my point clear, and then smiled sadly. "Get yourself cleaned up, Seph. It's not serious, is it?"

"I've had worse."

A sudden choking sound made us both jump, and we both simultaneously looked at Genesis. As we watched, he gasped and curled up into a ball as his body shook. Sephiroth was at his side in a second and lifted him as easily as if he were a child. There was tenderness in his eyes that I'd never seen before, and Genesis automatically pressed closer to him, whimpering quietly.

Sephiroth carried him into my room, and we both stood over him, watching him silently. Eventually Sephiroth broke the silence. "He's become worse, hasn't he?"

I rested my hand against Genesis's forehead. There was no point in mentioning that he had a fever, I could tell that somehow Sephiroth already knew. "Yes," I said softly, "and we can't do anything about it."

"What do you mean?" I could sense that Sephiroth was getting angry again and I took a tiny step back.

"I mean that this has happened before, when he had a fit."

Sephiroth flinched, and I took another step back. "He said that all he needed was to sleep and that nothing else would help."

"We just have to wait then?" His tone was flat, and I couldn't think of anything to say that would possibly comfort him. Instead I went to stand by his side again, two completely different people united by their fear and anguish over their friend.

"Yes," I said slowly. "We wait." But I couldn't voice what I was truly thinking.

Would waiting be enough?

* * *

Beta note; OMG. When I read this for the first time, I was completely drawn in and totally stressed out that something completely terrible would happen. I admit that I was totally gotten with this one... and even got teary when I thought Genesis was gonna die. i_i Anyway. THIS WAS AWESOME. Drop reviews. Srsly.

A/N: Hehe oh Zack I've been truly evil to you, first you got attacked by copies and now this I'm kind of having problems with the next chapter, any ideas would be welcome


	12. You will not hear me say I'm sorry

A/N: I am truly so sorry for not updating sooner, I've been working on several stories at once and I kind of forgot to update, hopefully this makes up for it though. :D

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy

* * *

_Genesis…_

Gaia only knew how long I'd been sitting by his side, just waiting for a sign of life. Even the steady rise and fall of his chest didn't convince me. His breaths were too weak, too fragile; it was like I was looking at the shell of the man I knew rather than the actual person. In fact, it hurt less to think of him as that, a shell. From across the room I could see Sephiroth's eyes glow slightly in the dark. He hadn't done anything other than swallow a potion in an attempt to stop his wound bleeding, and I could see it was taking its toll on him.

Hesitantly, I licked my dry lips. I didn't really want to break the silence, but if Sephiroth wasn't planning on seeing someone about his injury, then I had to at least try to convince him. "Has it stopped bleeding?"

Sephiroth raised his head slightly and shook it. The look in his eyes was so desolate that I wanted to fling myself at him and hug him until he either shoved me away (which would take some doing) or smile. It meant bad news when he responded using only physical gestures.

"You should have used a stronger potion then." I tried to force my usual grin but it quickly dropped back into a frown. Sephiroth obviously didn't appreciate my attempt to lighten up the conversation; not that you could really call it a conversation, since it was so one sided. "Please Seph, talk to me!"

He sighed. "What do you want me to say, Zack? What can I say?"

"Just something, anything! I don't know, you're the one who's supposed to be good with words, not me!"

"No," he looked away, "Genesis was the one who was good with words. I never really had the skill."

That did it for me. I could deal with angry Sephiroth and I could deal with moody Sephiroth, even though both were really unpleasant to talk to at the times when they appeared. But I couldn't deal with this lifeless desolate Sephiroth. I crawled over to him, (managing a walk at this point was completely beyond me) and grabbed at the straps crossing over his chest, pulling him so he had to look me directly in the eye. "Sephiroth, listen to me! He's not dead!"

"I know he's not!" He spat back, and tried to shove me away, but the blood loss had made him weak and I could easily overpower him.

"Then stop acting like he's died! I know it hurts Seph; I've had to deal with this for a while now, so I know what it's like! I know all about the pain and the fear. It doesn't ever go away, and sometimes I wonder if I'm going to have to deal with it for the rest of my life." I let go of his straps and turned away slightly, so he wouldn't see the tears falling down my face. "I tried Seph," I said angrily. "I tried so damn hard to help him, and for a while I actually thought he was getting better. But that's was degradation does, doesn't it? It raises your hopes only to dash them again and leave you in a worse state than before."

Sephiroth put his hand over my mouth to stop me going on, and I almost choked - his hand was covered with blood. Reeling backwards, I started to scrub at my mouth and tongue with my jumper which unfortunately was also covered dirt and blood. Almost retching, I coughed and somehow managed to fall backwards with the force of it and slam my head onto one of the bedposts. "Oww…" I moaned and automatically turned to Sephiroth for sympathy, and found to both my horror and surprise that he was laughing, his hair rippling over his shoulders with the force of his amusement. "Have some sympathy," I grumbled, but felt secretly delighted. It probably wouldn't last long but it was still great to see.

Sephiroth looked up at me, his eyes still filled with mirth, and smiled weakly. "I…I'm sorry Zackary."

Damn, he was serious now; he only used my full name when he was serious. "That's okay, _sir._" I grinned at him and it was a real grin this time, and despite the situation we were in, I felt a lot better.

"Truly." He put his hands on my shoulders and I suddenly noticed that he was trembling slightly. "I should have asked you what was wrong before; my mistakes may have helped cause this. Forgive me…"

_Even now he can't bring himself to think that the whole thing may have been his fault_ I thought kind of sadly. _In some ways I guess he isn't as strong he as comes across as. _"Hey, it's okay. Really, don't blame yourself. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine." Unlike him, I could accept that. Sadly, my reassurance didn't seem to be enough for Sephiroth. He clutched at my shoulders, seemingly unaware of the fact that he was starting to apply too much pressure.

"Zack…I'm so sorry."

I suddenly realised two things simultaneously as I looked at him. The first was that he was close to tears, and probably as close to tears as I was ever going to see him. Secondly, for a moment, I understood why he was pleading so desperately for forgiveness from me. He thought that if I forgave him, then maybe I could convince Genesis to forgive him for all his 'wrong doings'. I held back a sob with some difficulty. From his half-conscious reaction I could tell that Genesis would have no problems with forgiving Sephiroth. The fact that one of his old friends still cared enough for him to carry him to a bed was enough in his current state to win him over. At least, I hoped that would be the case. Genesis had been very temperamental in all the time I'd known him; he could flip so easily and degradation definitely wasn't helping matters at all. "Sephiroth," I lifted his chin slightly so I could look him in the eye, "it's okay."

Sephiroth gave me one last desperate look, then his eyes closed and he slumped against me, his hands falling from my shoulders and hanging loosely at his sides. I stared at him in shock for a few moments, then the full impact of what had just happened hit me and I felt like laughing and crying at the same time. "Oh my Gaia, Seph," I whispered, running my fingers gently through his hair, which was something I was never normally allowed to do. "You fainted, you actually fainted!" I grinned madly for a few seconds, and then the smile faded. "You fainted for a reason, Seph," I said slowly, "…oh hell." I quickly rolled him over onto his back and saw the blood pouring over his stomach, completely covering his clothes.

"Oh hell, oh hell, oh hell, oh hell, oh hell!" I muttered and started to drag him as well as I could across the room. "I can't deal with this right now!" I did my best to prop him up against the wall and ducked under my bed, rummaging through the piles of board games, books and a couple of old swords until I finally found what I was looking for.

With a triumphant grin I waved the small box in the air and quickly pulled it open, a small blue glowing bottle gleaming back up at me. I quickly unscrewed the lid and gently parted Sephiroth's lips and poured the potion into his mouth, tipping his head back in the hope that his natural impulse to swallow would take over. Thankfully, it did, and as I watched the bleeding quickly slowed and soon stopped all together. Just to make sure though, I pulled Sephiroth's coat off his shoulders and undid the straps crossing over his chest so I could examine the wound more closely.

For all his faults I couldn't say anything bad about Genesis's fighting ability. Although the wound wasn't deep enough to be life threatening, it was enough to weaken the person so they could be easily dispatched later when at that point death would be preferable. I sighed and ducked under my bed again until I found my first aid kit. A wound like that would need stitching, and I wasn't an expert. The stitches themselves would probably be clumsy, but it would be preferable to getting an infection. In any case, Sephiroth could always get them removed later on and replaced with better ones.

Shakily, I slowly threaded the needle, and set it aside while I disinfected the skin around the wound then the needle itself. It felt so wrong, the thought of deliberately mutilating his pale skin, but if it was going to save his life, then I was prepared to do it again and again and again.

The first stitch was surprisingly steady, but they slowly started to go wonky as I observed what I was doing. It was sickening watching the black thread pierce another's skin, to feel it slid through the pale flesh as if it were silk. I made a mental note to thank myself later for making sure the needle was sharp after I got over my revulsion, which would take some time. Somehow, I managed to grit my teeth and carry on until the wound was closed completely. When I had finished, I quickly cut off the remaining bit of thread and covered the wound with bandages, tying it as neatly as I could. "There you are buddy," I said quietly, "you're gonna be fine, I promise."

With what remained of my strength, I managed to drag him up onto the bed next to Genesis then collapsed on it myself in between them, exhaustion overriding my normal instinct of not sleeping in between two of my injured friends. I grinned as I thought of absurdity of situation and wondered how I was going to explain this to them when they woke up._ If they wake up, you mean, _some inner voice whispered and I felt tears start to run down my cheeks again. "Genesis," I whispered and stroked his hair gently, "Genesis, please…" I was certain that Sephiroth would wake up eventually, but Genesis…there was the possibility that he just wasn't strong enough to fight off the degradation anymore.

I buried my face in his shoulder and cried, deep broken sobs that shook my whole body with the force of them. After all this time, when I'd finally gotten him to trust me, after all we'd been through; I was going to lose him. I wanted to scream but I no longer had the energy to and I felt unconsciousness rise up and claim me. Just before I fell asleep, I felt something touch my hair and heard a low, painfully quiet voice breathe in my ear.

"Good puppy…"

* * *

A/N: Tenssioonnn~! I am _so_ glad that this wonderful story finally updated! My week has officially been made! Anyway, always remember to drop a review! :D

A/N: I thought Sephiroth deserved some love this time; he's been though a lot recently due to Genesis


	13. And would have sprung up so blessedly

A/N: I'm so sorry for not sending this to you sooner, I've got mock exams coming up so I've been revising and haven't had much time for writing. Hopefully this makes up for it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy

* * *

"_You know Zack, it's okay to cry…"_

"_A SOLDIER doesn't cry, Aerith."_

"_Why? Does it say it in the rules?"_

"_Well, not really..."_

"_There, so it's okay…right?"_

"…_I guess so."_

I jerked awake with a gasp and lay in the dark, panting. It hurt me to think of that time, even though Aerith had been so kind and sympathetic. Angeal had been everything to me. He was an older brother and a father, and I could always rely on him…but now he was gone, and his friends were lying on either side of me, possibly dying. I shuddered slightly and tried to sit up, only to find that in my sleep I'd rolled nearer to Sephiroth. One of his arms was wrapped under my back, and his head was resting on my shoulder. I turned my head so I could see his face and smiled slightly, noticing he looked very peaceful and somewhat softer…more human than usual. I reached out and brushed some of his hair off his face.

"You're awake then?"

I clamped my hands to my mouth to muffle a cry of surprise and glared at him. "Don't do that Seph! And how the hell did I end up over here?"

"You started crying in your sleep." Sephiroth didn't open his eyes but a small amused smile crept onto his face. "I woke up earlier and decided I would wake you up, but instead you relaxed into my touch and stopped crying. So I thought it'd be best if I stayed, since it calmed you down."

I snorted and tried to move away, but his arm tightened around my back and held me in place. "What's the big idea?"

"I am still weak," he admitted softly. "I am plagued by unpleasant thoughts and your presence relaxes me."

"So I'm stuck here?"

"…for the moment."

"Oh hell," I grumbled, glaring at him again for a couple of seconds before sighing. "Hey, can I at least change position?"

He nodded and removed his arm from under my back. I considered moving away for a moment but then decided against it. My friend had comforted me, now I'd comfort him in return. I moved closer to him so my head rested on his shoulder and I felt his arm wrap round me again. I smiled slightly as Sephiroth let out a long steady breath. "Calmer now, Seph?" I said teasingly.

"Mention this to anyone and I'll have you suspended."

He obviously wasn't in a jokey mood. "Not even Cloud?" I pleaded. "It'll be fun to tell him that his hero needed a puppy for comfort."

"Not even the cadet, understand?"

"Alright," I muttered and rolled over so my back pressed against his chest. I felt him tense slightly and swore. "Sorry Seph, I forgot…" I rolled back round carefully and winced apologetically up at him. "Sorry about the crappy stitches." I touched the wound gently and this time he didn't move.

"They're better than what I could have done."

I snorted. "Come off it, Seph! I've seen you stitch yourself up before."

"I meant considering the state both you and I were in, the stitches are perfect, since they fulfil their purpose." He opened his eyes and looked at me steadily, the glow in his eyes very dim. "I am sorry for the way I behaved Zack. I allowed my emotions to take control."

"You should do it more often, other people think you don't have any," I complained, and he laughed quietly.

"If I gave into my emotions, Shinra would have been destroyed years ago."

"Would that have been Hojo's fault?"

"Partially. Don't assume that all my emotions are centred around what happens here, but that is part of it, I admit. And Hojo's cruelty will be punished one day..." he lapsed into silence and I got the impression he wouldn't say anything more, so I changed the subject.

"How come I relax you?"

"It's hard to explain, Zack."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Sephiroth sighed. "You're stubborn, aren't you?"

"Yep, so are you going to tell me or not?"

"The fact you can still stand relaxes me."

"Huh?"

"After everything you've been through, after all that you've suffered, you can still smile and bring happiness to others. If someone like you can do that, then…"

"Genesis said the same thing," I said softly. "He wondered how I could get through everything."

"And how can you?" Sephiroth's eyes had slowly slid closed and I could hear his breathing slowing steadily. "How do you do it, Zack?"

"For a while, it really hurt," I said quietly. "I didn't have to strength to do anything but cry, but then I saw everyone else's suffering. I couldn't just leave them like that. So I pulled myself together again, and did my best to help them. By doing that, I kind of helped myself at the same time." Beside me, I felt Sephiroth relax completely as he gave in to unconsciousness. I smiled at him, and then gently freed myself from his embrace. I needed to get back into my routine, and on top of that, I was wearing a uniform that was soaked with blood and covered in dirt. Usually I wouldn't be bothered by things like that, but now it was annoying me.

I turned to look at Genesis. His face was pale, and the cracks had spread further across his face. I reached out and touched his forehead gently, feeling he was burning up. "Oh Genesis," I whispered, "please wake up soon, okay buddy…?"

He didn't move.

I sighed and turned away before tears could well up in my eyes. It was hard, but I could get through it. I had to get through it. I was going to prove once and for all to everyone that I wasn't just a puppy…that I could get through all this and be stronger because of it all.

I didn't feel like I had the time for a bath, though it would have calmed me considerably. I stared longingly at it for a few moments, but I wanted to be back with my friends as soon as possible. I slipped off my SOLDIER gear and threw it into a corner. I could deal with that later, but for now…though the idea might have been selfish, I wanted to have some time alone to myself - time where I could forget everything.

As the hot water hit me, it felt like it was washing my troubles away as well as the traces of mine and Sephiroth's blood. I ran my hands through my hair and shook my head experimentally to see if I could get rid of my fears. When it didn't work, I slammed my fist into the wall. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair! After everything, didn't I deserve some happiness? Or was I fated to never be happy again because of what I'd done to Angeal? The thought burned and twisted in my head like a venomous snake. "He made me do it," I muttered, "I didn't want to kill him, I just thought…"

I turned off the shower and got out, wrapping a towel around my waist distractedly. It was stupid thinking about these things now, and it hurt…but there was nothing I could do about that now. As I walked up to my mirror I turned round and examined my back in its surface, seeing scars ranging from large to small covering my skin. None of them were large enough to be considered disfiguring, though.

I touched my shoulder gently and imagined a wing tearing from the confines of my skin. It would hurt… it would be agony, but in the end the pain would be worth it, for the amount of freedom flight would bring.

I sighed again and turned back round so I could examine my reflection, and as I was studying my face I noticed a small piece of paper that'd been slipped into the frame of the mirror. With trembling hands I pulled it out. It had been folded to fit into the small gap and I quickly unfolded it, my eyes scanning the page quickly.

_Zack,_

_I knew eventually you'd come in here and examine your reflection, so I hid this note here in the hope that you'd see it and read what I am going to tell you. I suppose by now you're starting to question your actions. When I first contracted my condition I found myself looking in the mirror more times than I care to admit. It helps in a way to see yourself for who you really are, not just what other people expect you to be. I have always been short tempered but you coped with me and stayed with me, even when I was at my worst. Why you continue to do so still remains a mystery to me, but I assume it has something to do with your unshakable belief that there is some good in me. I have tried to steer you away from this point of view and yet you cling to it like a dog with a bone. Perhaps some of my stubbornness has rubbed off on you after all the days you've spend with me. But about the mirror._

_Zack, I understand what it is like to lose someone dear to you. I told you my reaction to Angeal's death; I refused to believe it and clung to the fragile hope that he could still be alive. Now I have abandoned such fantasies and tried to face the reality of my situation. On the occasions that you left on errands or visits to Sephiroth, I came in here and stood in front of the mirror. I could hardly bear to look at myself to start with. It hurt my pride to think that I was dependent on you, my junior by several years, and it hurt to think that I was becoming what Shinra despised…a monster. I'm sure by now you're shaking your head and sighing at me, but I've come a long way since then Zack and I owe it to you. So when you look in the mirror, don't see a friend killer or a helpless child. Instead see a man who has done more for me than anyone else ever has, and for that I am eternally in your debt._

_I suppose the only reason you've come in here is because something must have happened to me. Either Shinra's finally captured me, or the degradation is digging its claws deeper into my body and I'm in a critical condition. The latter is more likely considering it's you who's looking after me, Zack, and your courage knows no bounds as far as I'm aware. If so, then I am truly sorry for all the emotions I've put you through. No one deserves to suffer as I have and yet I've dragged you into my world and you've been through everything I have and more. I do not know when I'll wake; it's possible that I won't wake up this time and I'll just give up and die, and I'm going to be honest with you Zack, sometimes death seems preferable. Don't give up on me; I have yet to thank you for all you've done. _

_When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end_

_The Goddess descends from the sky_

_Wings of light and dark spread afar_

_She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting. _

_~ Genesis Rhapsodos _

_He must have known_, I thought sadly, _he knew this would happen so he wrote this to encourage me._ I sighed. If anything the letter made me feel sadder, but in a kind of contented way - he didn't blame me. He'd never blamed me. I clutched the letter tightly in my fist for a moment and closed my eyes, and then I left the bathroom and walked slowly back into my room. Sephiroth had woken up and was sitting up waiting for me, and he looked awful, his eyes dull with pain…and maybe sorrow? "You left," he said.

"But I came back," I pointed out, and sighed. "Look at this." I handed him my note and watched his expression carefully as he read it. "What do you think?" I asked when he'd finished.

"Genesis truly trusts you," he said simply. "He wouldn't have reassured you in this manner if he didn't care about you."

"Well that's news," I replied as cheerfully as I could as I looked through my drawers to find some casual clothes. "I didn't know he cared." I turned round to face him as I pulled on a jumper and tracksuit bottoms.

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "You care about him don't you, Zack?"

I felt my face flush and sighed. "Yes, I care about him. I'd always felt sorry for him after all he'd been through, but now…" I looked over at Genesis and sighed. "He's my friend."

Sephiroth stood up carefully and walked over to stand beside me. "We just have to wait, Zack."

"I know," I moaned. "But why can't he wake up now? I hate all this uncertainty, all this waiting!"

"I understand." He placed his hands on my shoulders. "We can get through this Zack, everything will work out in the end."

I smiled tiredly. "You sound like me."

"Seeing as you clearly cannot be yourself at the moment, I thought I should fill in for you."

I grinned weakly at him and hugged him, and for once he didn't pull away. He simply rested his head on mine. For a moment we stood there, simply sharing in each other's comfort, when a low moan broke the silence.

I felt my breath catch in my throat. Sephiroth stiffened, and I heard him let out a little groan on anxiety…and maybe longing? I looked up at him, not daring to say it to be true.

He met my gaze steadily but I felt him trembling slightly. This had hurt him as much as it had hurt me and if it wasn't true, if Genesis hadn't woken up, then it'd tear his world apart. I saw madness gathering behind his eyes and was sure he could see the same thing happening in mine.

I smiled reassuringly. If anyone was going to go mad, I'd rather it'd be me instead of him. I took a deep breath and turned round. "Genesis?"

The familiar pale face with glowing blue eyes stared back up at me and smiled tiredly. "…hello puppy. Sorry to keep you waiting so long."

The room spun around me, and in the confusion I felt my legs give way and I fell to the floor, giving into the blissful unconsciousness. My last conscious thought as the room went dark was, _my friend is alive…my friend is alive._

* * *

A/N: Again I thought Sephiroth deserved some love,the guy doesn't get much from anyone in the game. Sorry I left it on a cliffhanger, but I'd love to hear your ideas on what might happen next. :D

Beta note; OH MAH GAWSH. This chapter was simply beautiful. Man, I love being this story's beta. =w=; Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed it, because I loved it! Reviews are love!


	14. The love you never gave, I give to you

A/N: God I am so sorry for not updating in so long, but hopefully this will make up for it, I've been in the middle of exams and I kind of ran out of inspiration. Anyway I hope you like it.

Also a special dedication does to NothingSoSpecial who helped kick my inspiration into gear and get this chapter on the roll, so a huge thank to you. :D

Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own Final Fantasy VII

* * *

"_Stay down, Zack."_

"_I won't, I won't let you win. I can't, not if I'm going to be a hero."_

"_As a SOLDIER, you have to recognise your limits and stay down if necessary to save yourself. A hero who's alive is much better than a hero who's dead."_

"_You're the one who's always saying to protect your honour as SOLDIER…"_

"_It isn't dishonourable to admit defeat Zack. In some ways it's more honourable than refusing to back down and being killed because of it."_

"_How'd you figure that out?"_

"_Admitting that you cannot defeat an enemy shows that you know your limits and that you know your enemy can surpass them. It also honours your enemy as it shows them that you respect their strength."_

"_Oh yeah? What if I'm fighting against the monster from hell?"_

"_Then you can save the speech and get the hell out of there."_

"_You're really something."_

"_I try."_

I had to swallow past the lump in my throat before I could speak. But, I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes otherwise I would burst into uncontrollable tears. "Seph," I croaked, and I felt him kneel down beside me.

"Zack, are you alright?"

"I don't know," I whispered and clenched my fists to try and stop myself some shaking, "I don't _know_."

I felt his hand on my back, his hair brushing my cheek as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me. "Zack you need to sleep," he said gently, "you've been awake for most of the past few days, you're making yourself sick."

"I'm fine," I said forcefully and opened my eyes; Sephiroth was leaning over me, a worried expression marring his face. I didn't want to worry him anymore than he already was and forced myself to sit up. "I'm okay Seph, honest. You're the one who should be sleeping, you're hurt."

"It's nothing, Zack. I've had worse."

Admittedly he had and I'd seen him up within a few hours after his torso had been ripped open. He was tough, but the worrying had exhausted him and it wasn't doing his injury any favours. "I know, but you need the sleep more than me right now. I'll stay awake a little longer and keep an eye on you two."

"I won't attack him, Zack." It was the first time Genesis had spoken since I'd collapsed. I looked up in time to see him averting his eyes from Sephiroth, as though he was ashamed, but there was a gleam in his eyes that I didn't like the look of. It was raw and unforgiving.

I would have ran to him if I could, but my legs felt too heavy. The best I could do was pull myself free from Sephiroth's grip and crawl over to him. "Hey buddy," I whispered in an attempt to cool the situation and touched his hand, "you look better." And he did, at least compared to when he was lying unconscious, but there wasn't that much improvement. If anything the cracks seemed to have spread and more of his hair had lightened to a pale shade of grey.

"No thanks to you," he snapped, but smiled slightly to show he didn't mean it. Oh yes, Genesis was back and Gaia knews's how I'd missed him.

I pulled myself up onto the bed beside him and grinned giddily at him. "I'm sure you won't attack him physically, but now you're okay…you might start at him verbally. I don't think either of you can cope with that right now." I felt better now I was on the bed and couldn't help leaning back tiredly.

Genesis smirked and leaned against my shoulder, humming contentedly. "Did you miss me?" He asked casually, but I sensed a warning behind his words. Great…he'd woken up in a bad mood.

"Yes, you're one of my best friends, how could I not miss you?" I hesitated and glanced at him to see if I'd managed to calm him down a little. He nodded in agreement and seemed to relax against me, his wing stretching out behind me and wrapping around me like a blanket. Again I couldn't help leaning back slightly and I could feel my eyes closing as unconsciousness loomed before me. I bit my lip to stop the descent and Sephiroth frowned at me.

"Zack, go to sleep."

I sat up quickly, ignoring the dizzy spell that abruptly followed. "No! Because the second I do, you two are going to tear each other apart. Don't try and kid me. I know both of you too well." I glared at the pair of them until they dropped their gaze then sighed gently. "Listen, you two have a problem with each other. Can one of you explain what it is? Just so I know?"

Sephiroth sighed and Genesis made a low snarling noise in the back of his throat. "It doesn't concern you, puppy," he spat and I glared at him.

"Like hell it doesn't concern me, you two are my best friends! And if you two aren't happy with each other and have an argument, it's my job to wade through the emotional mess that's left behind and try to sort things out. And that's the problem with you," I got up off the bed and leaned against the wall for support. "You're both selfish. You never consider the consequences of your actions and leave the rest of us the problem of sorting it all out. You don't care what happens to the rest of us, just as long as your problems are solved and out of the way." I paused for a moment, panting as I remembered that on many occasions, I'd seen Angeal coming out his room looking defeated and upset. "Angeal knew that, didn't he? He was the mediator and he was stuck with all the emotional crap you both dragged him through, and did you ever thank him for it? Be honest Seph, Genesis. Did you ever thank him?"

Sephiroth dropped his gaze with a pained expression and turned away, "I never wanted to burden other people with my problems," he whispered. "If I had an argument with anyone it was my responsibility to sort it out. I told him that, but he wouldn't listen." He raised his gaze to look at me guiltily. "He was like you when he was younger, Zack. He wanted to help everyone, he didn't want to fit into good or evil, and if he ever killed he spent the day thinking about the person he'd murdered. He told me once that he thought about their family and how the death had affected them, and that he begged for forgiveness to whoever was listening for the murder of that single person."

I stood trembling as the weight of his words sank in. He begged for forgiveness. I'd never seen Angeal beg. Not even when he was faced with death…he'd never begged. But now, knowing that he'd begged for forgiveness made me feel ashamed. How many people had I killed? How many families had I torn apart with a single swing of my sword…_his_ sword? I felt the world spin around me and had to sit down quickly before I collapsed. _I murdered, _I thought weakly,_ without a second thought. I've killed simply because I was told to. Could anyone be forgiven for that? Could I be forgiven?_ Tears of horror started to fall down my face and I leant forward slightly, wrapping my arms tightly around my body. _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry._

Genesis shakily got to his feet, his eyes were blazing with what I can only describe as pure hatred. He looked _insane_. "That may be true for Angeal," he snarled, "but _he_ never cared." He was glaring at Sephiroth, his chest heaving. "He would have killed me the second he walked in your flat if you hadn't stopped him. He hates me." The glow in his eyes had brightened and I could tell that if someone didn't calm him down he could collapse again.

"Genesis, please…listen to yourself. This isn't you. It's the degradation!" I tried to stand up, but my legs wouldn't let me and I slumped back onto the floor again, exhausted. Sephiroth moved in front of me protectively and Genesis laughed cruelly.

"You've said that before and it didn't work, Zack," he snarled. "Maybe this time I'll go further and actually kill him."

"Why would you kill me, Genesis?" Sephiroth asked slowly, "I know I wronged you, I know that I may have caused this, but I need you to understand that I didn't intentionally aim to hurt you."

"Bullshit," Genesis growled, "you meant it. We both knew that the second we started the fight, we were fighting with the intention of hurting the other. You'd have to be an idiot not to see it."

"Then you're an idiot," I said slowly, and his gaze snapped onto mine, the glow in his eyes flaring slightly.

"What did you say?"

"Think about it, Genesis. It was Angeal who tried to stop you. It was only because you moved forward to try and blast Sephiroth with a Materia that you got hurt. It wasn't Sephiroth's fault, it was yours."

"But…but," the glow was fading with his eyes and I could see his strength draining away with it. He swayed slightly but held himself upright. "He started the fight, I remember."

I shook my head sadly. "You started the fight. You're only remembering what you want to remember because you needed something to fuel your hatred. When you got hurt, Sephiroth tried to be the blood donor, but he was refused. He worried and cared about what had happened to you, but you couldn't see that and so you set out to destroy him. At first when you couldn't blame Sephiroth, you blamed Shinra, because they'd created you." Genesis flinched as I said 'created' but I carried on. He needed to hear this. "And when you needed Shinra's help, you turned your hatred on Sephiroth. The degradation clouded your memories and you convinced yourself that he was to blame for the accident, effectively fuelling the drive to avenge yourself. It's all a lie, Genesis. Wake up now before you hurt someone precious to you. You two are best friends. When you collapsed, Sephiroth carried you in here even though he'd been hurt. He stayed awake watching you, pushing himself to the limit all because of you. If that's not friendship, I don't' know what is." I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes, exhausted by the effort of speaking for that long. But he needed to hear that. He needed to know what he was doing, what he was becoming. But had it worked?

I opened my eyes to see Genesis trembling. His shoulders shook with the strain of holding back his emotion and Sephiroth stepped forward slowly. "Genesis," he said softly, and Genesis looked up at him nervously. "Can you forgive me?"

Genesis didn't answer. He turned away, still shaking, and sat down on the bed, staring at his hands. "I…all this time, I blamed it on you…I had to. I couldn't cope with the possibility that I might have caused my own destruction. It would have driven me insane, Zack…I couldn't do it. So I blamed anyone I could think of. I blamed Shinra, Sephiroth, and even Angeal for not stopping us in time. I couldn't face up to what I'd done and what I was." He stretched out his wing slowly and stared at it as feathers drifted slowly down to the floor.

Sephiroth moved towards him and crouched down in front of him. "It's okay. I understand and I'm sorry for what I've put you through. If I hadn't agreed to fight, then this wouldn't have happened." He stared up at Genesis and Genesis stared back as his tremors slowly stopped.

I smiled tiredly at the pair and wolf whistled at them. "Jeez guys, if you're going to kiss, kiss already. Don't leave me in suspense."

Genesis glared at me good-naturedly and pushed himself off the bed, practically falling into Sephiroth's lap. "I'm not going to kiss him, Zack. He's not my type," he purred, and I rolled my eyes. Yeah right he wasn't! Seph was probably everyone's type, be them male or female.

"Oh yeah sure, just forgive each other already."

"I'm sorry," Genesis muttered, and Sephiroth reached out and pulled him into a tight hug, as Genesis started to sob quietly.

"It's okay," he murmured as Genesis wept, "I'm sorry too."

"Forgive me," Genesis pleaded through his tears, "please, _forgive me_."

"Of course," Sephiroth breathed, his hand gently stroking Genesis's back to try and calm him as the man sobbed and moaned.

If I could have moved, I would have comforted him as well. But something told me that they needed this time just to themselves. If I butted in, things wouldn't get better and would just spiral into chaos again, so I sat and watched them with a smile. My eyes slowly closed as a familiar voice filled my ears and invisible fingers ruffled my hair.

_You did well Zack, you really did._

I felt my heart surge with happiness at the voice and I said softly, "I know Angeal, I know."

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed, reviews and ideas would be wondeful. :D

B/N: BWAAHH. Too touching for words! Squeeee~ Reviews are love!


End file.
